Setting:  At a party talking to a mother with twin toddlers.

Husband:  Oh man, having twins must suck. 

Me:  *pinching the back of his arm*  I think what my husband means to say is that twins must keep you very busy ...

Mother:  Yeah, it's definitely a full-time job, but we're pretty crazy about them.

Husband: No, I meant it must suck.  What a rip off.

Me:  *furiously processing in my mind how to stop him from being totally offensive without causing a scene*

Husband: Seriously, though - think about it.  It's like twice the work, but half the fun.

Me:  Oh, I don't know *awkward laugh* I think it would be lots of fun.  You get all the hard years out of the way at once and they have a wonderful, special bond most siblings don't have.

Mother:  Well, sure.  There are tough days, but we tend ...

Husband:  Come on ... let's be real.  Double the diapers, double the clothes, double the tantrums, double the medical bills ... sounds like a nightmare *laughs at himself, totally oblivious* 

Me: He's joking ...

Mother: *polite nod*

Husband: No I'm not, twins would be horrendous.  Please don't tell me you want twins ...

Me: Okay, you know what? *between gritted teeth* She actually has twins - *looks at mother* and they are ADORABLE by the way! - so let's just drop it *takes two huge gulps of Pino Grigio*

Husband:  Oh she knows I'm jut having fun.

Mother:  *polite, slightly awkward smile*

Me: In all seriousness, though, I would love to have twins - just picking out their names would be so much fun and I'm sure they play together making things a little easier ...

Husband:  Stop talking like that, you're going to jinx us!

Me:  *death glare plus forced, fake laugh* Honey, isn't there a man you can talk to about the playoffs or something?

Husband:  Nah, I like hanging out with you ladies.

Me:  He really is just kidding ...

Mother:  Oh, yes it's fine.  No, no it's fine.  Seriously, it's fine.

Husband:  See?

Mother:  I'm going to see how my husband is fairing at the grill.  If you'll excuse me ...

Me:  *smiles gently until she's out of ear shot* Seriously!?!?  Are you CRAYZAY!?

Husband: What?  What'd I say?