Woman Mistakenly Begins Whole30 First Day of Girl Scout Cookie Season “Like an Idiot”

"Idiot" Kristen Price, Associated Press



Atlanta native, Kristen Price, made a horrifying mistake when she began the Paleo diet’s Whole30 program on the first day Girl Scout cookie season began.

“I don’t know how I forgot about Girl Scout cookie season,” said Price. “My friend kept going on and on about Whole30 and how she’s never felt better - blah blah blah. So I decided to commit to the program after I realized my thighs were thinning out my favorite pair of yoga pants. Now, I feel like an idiot.”

Price said after buying $450 worth of paleo friendly groceries, she heard her doorbell ring. “I looked out my window and saw a little blonde Girl Scout. My heart dropped into my stomach. That little shit had Thin Mints.”

Sara Morgan, the Girl Scout, said she knew something odd was happening during her stop at the Price residence. “Mrs. Price looked at me through her window then froze hoping I couldn’t see her. It looked like she was saying a bad word under her breath over and over. So I rang the doorbell again. I saw her move to the kitchen and cradle a piece of meat like she was upset. I wasn't sure what to do."

Morgan said after waiting another minute, she decided to move on to the next home when Price came running after her.

“I was just about to ring another doorbell when I heard Mrs. Price screaming “Wait! Little girl, stop and come here! Come here, now!” said Morgan. “She was running after me waving a $20 bill. It scared me a little.”

Price said she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she let Morgan get away. “I’ll burn a hole through the thighs of all my pants for Thin Mints. I’m sorry. I just wasn’t going to live on seeds and shaved coconut, unless it was sprinkled on a Caramel deLight,” said Price. “So I told the scout to give me whatever a 20 dollar bill can get me. I’ll start Whole30 in March. Well, after St. Patrick’s day. Okay, April. Well, after Easter. Maybe I’ll start it in June. Well, after the neighborhood BBQ. I don’t know, whatever! For now I’ll just freeze the damn meat and feed the kale to some feral rabbits."

Price hopes her mistake saves people from spending an extreme amount of money on grass fed, all organic meats, vegetables and nuts right before any important event, like Girl Scout cookie season. “If I can stop one person from spending their savings on a crate of coconut oil, then it’s worth it.”