Gwenyth Paltrow Casually Recommends $15,000 Sex Toy While America Continues to Loathe Gwenyth Paltrow

Gwenyth Paltrow, Hollywood actress and clueless rich woman ambassador to the stars, has recommended a 24 carat gold vibrator retailed at $15,000. Because if you don't have to take out a loan for your orgasm, you're doing it wrong, middle-class America.

Paltrow's website, Goop, published the article “Not-So-Basic Sex Toys” which includes a whip for $535 and a sexual feather duster, appropriately priced at $69. She also recommends some black thing with a hole in it for $139. At first I thought it was a chunky wrist bracelet, but due to the context of the article I’m gathering it’s a bracelet for wieners.

The good news is that Lelo’s signature gold dildo called “Inez” is highly recommended with a 5 star rating. For that price it should not only have 5 stars, but also be flyable like Harry Potter’s Firebolt racing broom. Anything less is a rip off, in my humble opinion.

Paltrow has repeatedly demonstrated that being rich your entire life means you can’t help but piss people off with your luxurious non-sense. I mean, a $12,000 juicer Gwen? Really? Really? For a woman who has been quotes as saying, “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year,” I suppose we shouldn't be surprised she can't fathom a life where a person can only afford their dildos on sale at CostCo.

But can you at least pretend to not be a person who casually recommends a $15,000 lady diddler, Gwen? No? Alright then. I guess the rest of us will just have to use what the good Lord gave us. At least it's free.