Church pastor saddened when spike in church attendance due to Pokémon stop and not his brilliant sermons


Pastor Jim Reed of Samhills Presbyterian church admits to being deeply disappointed after discovering his church’s dramatic increase in attendance last Sunday wasn’t due to his powerful sermon on love for all of God’s people, but due to his church being a popular Pokémon stop. 

“I really thought the previous week’s sermon on love was resonating with people so much that it caused the dramatic 200% increase in church attendance this Sunday. Turns out nobody gives a crap and my congregation is just a bunch of nerds.”

A new mobile game called Pokémon Go has become a recent phenomenon, particularly in its growth. It tracks user’s time and location and places Pokémons in your area that you can throw virtual “Poké Balls” at them in an attempt to capture them. 

“I understand that Pastor Reed is disappointed,” said local resident Kathy Dill, but our family really was going to church regardless, I swear. The fact a Pokémon was at the entrance was simply a coincidence.”

Kathy Dill’s 5 year old daughter, May, had a different recollection. “Mommy and daddy woke us all up and said, ‘Get dressed in your Sunday best kids! There’s a Pokémon at church! And after that we’re going for pancakes because there’s another one by the iHop!’”

May also admitted that even though her parents make it seem like a game for the whole family, “they usually hog their phones and won’t even let us see the Pokémons we’re running after. I wish I could play too.”

Pastor Reed said despite his disappointment he’s decided to make lemons into a big jug of wine. “I guess the good news is that they’re here and can hear my follow up message on love. Albeit here with their nose in their phones, but beggars can’t be choosers, I guess.”