I entered Fuddruckers, with my two small children, needing a quick bite to eat before nap. My 2 year old had previously been throwing a fit over Lord knows what while my 12 month old smiled and farted rainbows. He's that happy.
Fuddruckers is a great place to eat with families - music is loud enough that boisterous children can't be heard, casual setting and best of all, they give free cookies to kids.
Old Man "Shusher"
While casually eating, my son was mesmerized by the giant motorcycle near our table and said loudly, "MOM! Yook at da motorcycle!"
SHUSH!! Came from the old man sitting behind Levi, like he was completely out of a line. At Fuddruckers, where you get your own lettuce and condiments.
I smiled at my 2 year old and acknowledged the huge motorcycle that was actually pretty cool.
A few minutes later, Levi saw another motorcycle in the other corner of the restaurant. With just as loud of a voice he exclaimed, "MOM! Yook! A-nuh-der motorcycle!"
The shusher turned around again and with more force, shushed my son. Seriously? Was your hearing aid too loud or something? I agree that kids need to behave appropriately in a restaurant, but this was more ridiculous than Madonna riding on some weirdos shoulders at the Super Bowl halftime show.
Levi asked for his cookie and I told him to finish the 5 bites of hamburger he had left. He shoved all 5 big hunks of meat in his tiny mouth and snatched his cookie.
"Nice try buddy! Swallow your food first, and then you can have it," I reminded him.
Did he swallow his food? No. He spit his chewed up, nasty hamburger onto the table.
"Sorry buddy, no cookie. You needed to finish your hamburger and instead you spit it out," I told him as I put his chewed up nastiness into a napkin.
The Fling Felt Around the World
Cookie denial is like telling a 2 year old that you're going to put hot coals in their diaper while making them eat Wheatbran for breakfast. It's that bad.
My rational 2 year old grabbed the napkin with the meat and clutched the corner of it with his fingers. He held onto the napkin and flung the meat behind his head.
Up, up, up into the air the meat went and down, down, down it landed. Right onto Old Man Shusher himself. Head covered. Shoulders covered. Glasses covered, in chewed up meat of the boy he was shushing.
"I'm so sorry sir," I said, horrified and in disbelief. I wiped his shoulder and told him that it was just meat my son has crumbled with his fingers, praying he hadn't seen the meat spitting incident.
He was totally put off, rolled his eyes and didn't move. Old Man Shusher just kept eating while I wiped him off, while my 2 year old screamed for his cookie and while my 12 month old smiled at what was going on around him. It was a made-for-tv movie.
I told Levi that we needed to have a talk in the bathroom about what just happened and some hick guys, who decided to "make light" of the situation, asked me with a smirky smile, "So, how many more kids do you want to have?"
"10," I replied sarcastically as I whisked my kids away from meat covered, Old Man Shusher and the Hick Guys Comedy Duo.
I reflected later that day on how stressful lunch was. I decided I needed to laugh about the situation, the craziness of it and the hilarity of it all.