Carly Simmons pictured above ends friendship over friend's Facebook interests, Associated Press.
ORLANDO, FL -
An Orlando woman has reportedly ended a budding friendship because she “can’t even” with her new friend’s Facebook interests.
Carly Simmons, 33, says she met the woman at a soccer game where their two young daughters played on the same team. “She offered me Irish coffee she brought in a thermos. I thought, ‘This woman knows my love language.’ It was love at first sight.”
The friendship started off as a whirlwind love affair. The two had lunch dates filled with laughter, shopped at the mall together, uploaded selfies on social media with the hashtag #newbestie and even got “real deep” over a bottle wine. “I thought she was someone I could be friends with for a very long time,” Simmons said. “And then one day I got bored and decided to look through her Facebook profile. I was horrified.”
Simmons said nothing could prepare her for what she discovered. Her new friend was following Facebook pages like Ann Coulter is My Spirit Animal, God Bless the Confederate Flag and I Forgive Bill Cosby and Josh Duggar. “I was desperately hoping she just had a sick sense of humor.”
Simmons wasn’t so lucky - her new friend wasn’t joking. “When I saw she was also following Kylie Jenner’s celebrity page and liking all of her duck lip selfies, I knew this was never going to work.”
Simmons said she considered herself to be an open minded person and tried to look past her new friend’s Facebook interests. “She seemed like such a cool person, I thought I could just get over it. But then she shared a link to an article that said essential oils can cure measles and that was the straw that broke the camels back. That [expletive] is crazy.”
If there’s any good that could come from her lost friendship, Simmons hopes she can prevent other people from experiencing the same disappointment. “Just don’t assume someone is cool when you meet them in person. Always, ALWAYS stalk their social media first.”
This post is satire. Image via Stephanie Totty at Tottums.com