Woman Attracted to Guy with Man-Bun Forced to Question Everything She Ever Knew About Herself

Via Instagram, Chris Nicholas

ALEXANDRIA, VA -

Casey Turnball, 32, had never been attracted to a guy with a man-bun.

“It just wasn’t for me,” Ms. Turnball said, as she loitered outside the local bicycle shop/juice bar. “I’ve liked guys with long hair. And I’ve liked guys with crew cuts. But guys with man-buns had always seemed ... y’know, yuck.”

That all changed last week. She was walking home on her usual route when she passed the new bike shop on Third and saw Padraig Connor, 29, working the juice counter. “He was running the blender, adding strawberries and then kiwis, and before I could stop myself I said, ‘Yum.’ And I wasn’t taking about the smoothie.”

Ms. Turnball’s past experience had taught her that a man sporting the look sometimes known as the politically-conscious mullet often presented as a sensitive feminist, but then, after you were dating him for a while, he revealed himself as just another mouthpiece for the patriarchal monolith. Plus, the hairstyle was goofy as all get-out.

Her last boyfriend, Ms. Turnball explained, had long hair, and one day she came home early to find he’d gathered his hair into a man-bun so he could apply an exfoliating face mask.

“It was over before you could say ‘hackysack,’” she said.

But now Mr. Connor’s coiffure had thrown her for a loop. She’d never gone into the shop, even though she enjoyed both bikes and smoothies. Instead, she preferred to stand outside, pretending to read the menu, but really staring at Mr. Connor’s shapely shoulders, revealed by a paisley pink tank top, allegedly worn with irony.

“His fashion sense bothers me too. Somehow, though---and I can’t figure out how---he’s transcending it.” Ms. Turnball’s expression was pained as she again peered through the window, framing his face with her hands to visually edit out his hairstyle.

Without warning Mr. Connor looked up and, slinging a rag over his tan shoulder while popping a piece of mango into his mouth, he winked at Ms. Turnball.

As Ms. Turnball’s legs turned to jelly, we left her to her shame.