A story was recently trending about a boy who had a Target themed birthday party because he is obsessed with all things Target. It made me think of all the themed birthday parties we have had for our three kids over the years. There have been princesses, pirates, farm animals, monkeys, and dinosaurs. While the kids have loved their parties, the themes were mainly chosen more by what I could pull off at the time and less about what their obsessions of the day were.
If I had planned their birthday parties around their ever-changing obsessions, our birthday party history would look something like this:
Age 1: A “Throwing Food off the High Chair” Party
This party would be a fun-filled event full of finger foods and colorful bibs. Party games would include seeing who can throw those baby Puffs and Cheerios onto the floor the fastest and swatting at a spoon full of pureed sweet potatoes. Bonus points if the food sticks to the wall. The menu would involve baby cereal and those gross little meat stick things.
Age 2: A “No” Party
This would have been the easiest party to plan. No presents, no food, no decorations, the answer to every question would be no. Of course, the soundtrack for the party would be Meghan Trainor’s “No”. For an added treat, lots of “mines” could be thrown in there, too.
Age 3: The “I’ll Do it Myself” Party
This party is a parent’s dream. You don’t have to do anything, because, no matter what you do, your three year old will want to do it himself. Cleanup for this party will be a bitch, though. Three year olds want to pour juice themselves, but aren’t very adept at it yet.
Age 4: A “Racing” Party
When my kids were four, everything was a race. Who could get up the stairs first, who could drink their milk first, This party would be full of racing around. You better let the four year old win, though, or there will be lots of tears.
Age 5: A “Poop” Party
Five year olds are obsessed with poop. Once they go to kindergarten, they learn all sorts of new bodily humor jokes. Snacks could include chocolate pudding and poopcorn. Tootsie Rolls could decorate the tables. Game ideas could be: “candy bar or poop?” and “what’s that smell?”
Age 6: A “Tooth” Party
Six year olds lose teeth. They obsess about wiggling and pulling those suckers out and comparing how much dough they get from the Tooth Fairy. . What’s more fun than a party focusing on those baby chompers? The photos would be darling with all those toothless grins. Party favors could include those little tooth treasure chests and travel sized toothpaste.
Age 7: A “Fairness” Party
At this age, my kids were all obsessed with the concept of fair. Dinner portions had to be exactly equal. They often counted corn kernels to ensure there were equal numbers. This party sounds a little more difficult to pull off, but I’m imagining a scale and lots of counting.
Age 8: An “Electronics” Party
This party would be easy. In fact, there are already travelling “game trucks” that will come and park in your driveway and set up video games for kids to play. If you don’t want to spend the money, just have the kids sit and play on their electronics. If given the choice, they will choose to do this 99% of the time anyway. Door prizes could include gift certificates to a chiropractor to help with all the neck curvature issues from staring at a screen that will need to be corrected down the road.
Age 9: A “Fart Joke” or “Yo Momma Joke” Party:
Nine year olds love potty humor jokes. And jokes about their mommas. Well, more specifically, about yo momma. Games could include a joke telling contest. Whoopie cushions would make great prizes.
Age 10: A “Pokemon Go” Party
Ten year olds are obsessed with Pokemon Go. In fact, a lot of people of many ages are obsessed with Pokemon Go, so this party is sure to be a hit. A cake decorated like Pikapoo or Ratty-tatty would be great. What’s that, son? Those aren’t their names? Oh, I’m sorry, I always mess those up. Mainly because I don’t care. But I do care about you, so I will gladly throw a Pokemon Go Party for your birthday.
That, in a nutshell is what ten years of parties would be if I planned them around my kids’ obsessions du jour. I hear that when kids start going through puberty, they become obsessed with Axe body spray and members of the opposite sex. Those parties could get interesting.