Two Year Old Learns How to Say “What’s That?”, Parents Forced to Name Off Every Item in House for 12 Hours Straight

Photo credit: Sara Baxter



Two year old toddler, Penny Thompson, recently learned how to say “What’s that?” forcing her parents to answer her question for hours on end.

“I think I’m losing my mind,” Penny’s mother, Sara Thompson, 33, said. “It’s like I’m being held captive by a tiny person playing mind tricks on me. It’s madness.”

During our exclusive interview, Thompson was still being tortured by her inquiring toddler and had to pause the interview at least 35 times. “Penny, it’s toast. Sweetheart, I said it’s toast. Toast. No, stop asking what the toast is and eat it. Toast! Stop asking, my God it’s toast!”

Thompson’s husband, Jack Thompson, 35, said their toddler’s rampage is taking its toll on the entire family. “At one point Penny pointed at a mole on my face and said ‘What’s that?’ during an entire San Antonio Spurs game. I felt like I was being questioned by the CIA. She wouldn’t just accept it was a mole, it was like she was trying to get something more from me, but I had nothing! It was just a freaking mole! I’m still shaking.”

The Thompson’s tried to ignore Penny, but the toddler refused to stop berating her parents.

“She doesn’t stop, ever,” said Sara. “She wanted to know what everything was in the house, everything! The TV, our artwork, a coffee mug, my bra strap. If you could see it with your eyes, she asked what it was. She even asked what my hair tie was after she found it stuck in our couch cushions. That’s ok, though - I was looking all over for that thing.”

To make matters worse, Jack suspected Penny didn’t even care to know the answer to her question. “There were times she would ask what something was and before I could answer, she was moving on to something else asking me what that was. She’s a maniac!”

Sara’s mother, Jean Crank, 68, witnessed an account of the toddler’s torturous questioning first hand.

“I came over after Sara said they had been under attack for 12 hours. At first I thought they were exaggerating - she’s a two year old! But before I could even get through the door she asked 'What's that?' pointing at my upper lip. I think she was referencing my lip hairs so I was a little offended, but I went along with it. After the 50th lip hair, I thought I was slipping into the abyss of insanity.”

Crank tried to help her daughter and son-in-law the best she could, but suspects she made matters worse. “I tried to teach her something new to say to give her poor parents a break. I wasn’t thinking properly. I taught her to try asking ‘Why?’ instead. It was a mistake, I feel terrible. I’m so sorry.”

The Thompson’s said they are drinking wine regularly and taking the repetitive questions day by day. “It’s the only way we can survive,” Jack said. “After she asks what something is, we answer, then she follows it up with ‘why?’ We’re hanging on by a thread, but we’re strong. We’ll make it. We have to.”

The Thompson’s said Crank was no longer welcome in their home. Crank was not available for comment.

This post is satire. No need to send care gifts to the Thompsons.