Top 3 Quirky Habits of My Newborn that are Destroying My Life

Exactly six weeks, three days, and four hours ago our son entered the world.

Although he is our second child, we've had a six-year sabbatical from dealing with a newborn, and let me just say - this is NOTHING like riding a bicycle!

Since I didn't start having children until my thirties (not by our choice, it's just that not all of us get to choose these things), my body and mind aren't exactly "snapping" back into place. And to top it all off, my precious little miracle has some quirky little habits that I know are shaving hours off my life as I strive to nurture his. Here are the top three things that are driving e into the abyss of madness:


1. Every Limb for Itself

Whether I'm trying to snuggle him in bed, dress him in an adorable onesie, or clean up one of his homemade bio-hazards, each arm and leg on this baby's body is flailing in its own wild direction to its on wild rhythm. With his legs pumping madly, it's like he's trying to flee on the world's smallest, invisible bicycle. And it's on fire. He clenches his fists as if he's hanging onto the very secrets of the universe, only to spread his fingers wide whilst I try desperately (and unsuccessfully) to slide his arm through the slender sleeves of his shirt. Sometimes I just stop to watch him and try to imagine what kind of banjo/rave music must be playing in his head that would suit such a thrashing of limbs.


2. Door Number One or Door Number Two

He's grunting. He's pushing. He's turning 50 shades of red. Okay, I can read these signs. They're the signs of a baby who is working on a massive ... oh snap, he's just thrown up. This red herring is just one of my little "misleading monkey's" favorite tricks. Other times he'll burp and gag and gargle in ways that threaten his last three feedings are about to spew forth in fury. Instead, he'll finish off with a thunderous explosion in his diaper that seems four times the capability of such a small body. It's like Russian Roullette trying to guess which end is going to shoot first. But I'm getting wise to his tricks, so he's been mastering the ability to do both at the sametime. 

Which is. Just. Precious.


3. Left or Right Boob? That is the Question.

I am a breastfeeder. I was with my first and we both survived so I thought, what the hey - we'll do it again. Here's the situation, though: Each feed I alternate sides and for some reason, while my baby consistently feeds on my right side for 15 to 20 minutes, he'll consistently feed for only two to five minutes on my left. Yeah, thanks for that ace of a deal. 

Is there a difference in flow speed? Or maybe in temperature? Are they different flavors? Whatever the reason, I'm almost to the point where I'm going to have to buy bras in a B cup and a D cup, cut them in half, and stitch them together like Dr. Frankenstien stitched together his monster-man.

There are more quirky habits of my newborn that are both unexplainable and random and although with each passing day my future diagnosis of insanity is sealed, he never ceases to melt my heart and fill me with joy with every new surprise!