Things I'm Not Sorry For

Ever since starting this job, my husband has enjoyed taking part by way of giving me topic ideas, many of which are good, some not so much. But when he excitedly called me into the bathroom to tell me this one, it gave me pause: Things you should apologize for but won’t.
 
Well, well, well, somebody thinks I owe some apologies, does he? Maybe by writing it out I’ll come to my senses, perhaps? Lemme tell ya where you can shove that topic, Chucko. 
 
But the more I thought about it, the more it began to take shape. We’re living in a world where everybody is expected to apologize for every damn thing we do. Well, I say enough is enough. So here’s a list of things I do, and guess what? NOT sorry.
 
Letting our kids sleep in our bed
Why fight an unnecessary battle? They typically leave on their own by the time they’re 12, or the first time they slip to their friends that they still sleep in mommy’s bed. Whichever comes first.
 
Disconnecting our doorbell
Push that little button till your heart’s content. If I wasn’t expecting you, assume I’m not home.
 
Not answering my phone
I’m busy doing none of your damn business.
 
Wearing yoga pants
And ya know what? I don’t do yoga. Boom.
 
Packing lunchables for the kids
They’re convenient, cheap and way better than the crap they end up throwing away from the cafeteria.
 
Playing on my phone
Man, do moms take some flack for this. We’re juggling kids, husbands, homes, and jobs nonstop, and occasionally we’d like a measly mind-numbing hour to allow our eyes to glaze over and scroll through other people’s drama on Facebook. Get off our backs.
 
Going back to bed after my kids get on the bus
Yep. I do that. Best 3 hours of my day.
 
Arriving everywhere early
I’m not trying to be an inconvenience to you, and you don’t have to entertain me or try to squeeze me in early. But I’ll be damned, if I ever leave anyone waiting on me. Not gonna happen.
 
Refusing to play clash of clans
Speaking of not gonna happen.
 
Occasional profanity
Damn right.
 
Overeating at Thanksgiving
And Christmas. New Years. Easter…anytime a meal is offered, ok?!
 
Honesty
When you ask my opinion, I’ll tell you. I can’t control how you respond to it, so if you’re gonna get mad, I suggest you don’t ask.
 
Saying what I mean and meaning what I say
The bad news is, you might not like it. The good news is, you can trust it.
(Refer back to honesty.)
 
Not doing what I’m told
Some call it rebellious. I call it independent. I’m not a crowd follower, bandwagon jumper, or boycotter. I do my own research and draw my own conclusions. So. If there’s something you want me to do, might I recommend you tell me not to do it and increase your odds.
 
Sarcasm
Yeah, I can’t help it. And unfortunately, the more it offends you, the more it’ll happen. It’s the nature of the beast. Embrace it…or be miserable…your call.
 
Ok, so that might not be exactly what my husband had in mind. His list might’ve included the time I wrote an article about his hemorrhoid. Dude, it got me a job. You're welcome.
Or maybe the day he was in post-op after surgery and I inappropriately posed his puke bag over his gown and took some pictures. It looked like a giant blue condom and an opportunity presented itself.
 
Am I responsible for apologizing for that? Oh, absolutely not.