Ten Compliments You Don't Want To Hear

Have you ever been thoroughly confused by a compliment? If so, my friend, that wasn’t a compliment. That was a backhanded compliment. That was a dig.

Here are ten of the worst digs of all.

  1. You clean up nicely.
    What it really means: You usually look incredibly average, borderline ugly even, and I’m thrilled to see you in something other than yoga pants and an Oscar the Grouch sweatshirt. I’m also pleased that your face has been covered with foundation, although a paper bag would have worked as well.

  2. You have a pretty face.
    What it really means: Too bad the rest of your body looks like, well, that.  

  3. You carry your weight well.
    What it really means: You’re fat, but you don’t look as fat as other fat people.

  4. You look good for your age.
    What it really means: You don’t look really old, but you’re still old.    

  5. What did you do to your hair? It looks fantastic!
    What it really means: I’m so thankful that you actually washed and brushed and tamed that eyesore!  

  6. You’re strong (fast, smart, etc) for a woman.
    What it really means: It's impressive  that you are capable of doing something other than enduring hours of torturous labor pains and pushing an 8 pound human through an opening the size of Cheerio.

  7. You aren’t as intimidating as you look.
    What it really means: You’re a real peach, but your appearance scares children and small animals

  8. You’re so beautiful on Instagram.
    What it really means: Filtering is mandatory for you.  

  9. You look terrific! I didn’t even recognize you!
    What it really means: I usually recognize you as a humpbacked wart-covered troll that should be permanently locked away in a tower.

  10. You’re funny (said in a condescending tone).
    What it really means: I don’t find you the least bit humorous, and I don’t know why others do.  

    Backhanded compliments, baby. They’re the worst.