Target May Be To Blame For Recent Public Intoxication Arrests in Wal-Mart

Recent reports that Target aims to allow consumption of alcohol in select stores has inspired customers at another retail giant to drink alcoholic beverages while shopping. Since Target’s announcement last week, 57 women across the country have been cited for public intoxication inside a Wal-Mart. Most claimed that Target’s new policy inspired them to drink while on their shopping trip.

Shortly after being arrested, Tammy Lynn Davis of Pascagoula, Mississippi confessed she’s often hidden a six-pack of Milwaukee’s Best in her purse and secretly sipped on it while shopping at Wal-Mart but when she heard of Target’s new policy, she felt she should be able to consume her beer openly while browsing the subpar produce selection.  

“Well, heck, if those snooty women over at Target are allowed to drink and shop, we ought to be able to do the same thing over at the Wal-Marts,” Davis said from her holding cell. “I’ve got nine kids under the age of two at home, and G-Mama comes over every Wednesday to watch them while I go shopping. It’s the perfect time to tie one on.”

Danita Primrose of Newark was also arrested for having an open container inside her local Wal-Mart. She, too, claimed Target is to blame.

“When I heard about this deal with Target, I thought it would be fine to drink a bottle of Seagram’s inside my Wal-Mart,” she hiccupped from the back of a police car in her local store’s parking lot. “I wasn’t even hurting nobody. I was just [hiccup] having a drink, doing the cha-cha slide and smoking a cigarette in automotive when some manager in a blue vest told me I was in violation of the law.”

Harvey, Texas store greeter, Ellen Poteet, says she’s had forbid at least 15 patrons in the last week from entering the store with alcohol.  

“The scariest encounter I had was with a lady wearing a bikini top and sweatpants. I saw a fifth of Jack Daniels in her fanny pack, and when I told her she couldn’t bring it inside, she quickly pulled the bottle out, broke it against a shopping cart and held the glass to my neck,” said Poteet. “Then she said Target would allow her to bring it in, but she doesn’t shop at Target because they don’t do rollbacks on denture cleaner. She kept arguing with me and holding that broken bottle to my neck, and I really feared for my life. Thankfully our deli manager, Brenda, saw her assaulting me and called the police.”

Another woman, Bertha Herbert of Little Rock, was detained for walking around her local store with a keg of Busch in her shopping cart and drinking straight from the tap. However, when questioned, she said she didn’t know anything about Target’s new policy.

Target spokeswoman, Tara Highland, says she’s not surprised by the recent arrests in Wal-Mart stores.

“Target and Wal-Mart shoppers are two different species, really. Very rarely do customers frequent Target in vinyl mini-skirts and house shoes or smell like a meat locker, but that seems to be the norm at most Wal-Mart stores. We are confident that our shoppers know how to handle their alcohol and would browse while enjoying only a glass or two of wine -not vodka and Redbull in a Solo cup or malt liquor in a brown paper sack.”

Due to the recent altercations and public intoxication arrests, many Wal-Mart stores across the country are now required to place signs at the entrance that state, “We don’t care what they permit at Target. Drinking is not allowed in Wal-Mart.”  

The sign at the Palo Alto, California store was only on display for fifteen minutes before being torn down and urinated on.