Stein family.

 

AUSTIN, TX

An Austin family has found itself on the brink of collapse as they suffer from extremely low Internet speeds. Parents John and Judy Stein have three children ranging from 8 - 17 years old.

“We’re all trying very hard to make it out of this as an intact family unit,” said Judy, “but I’m not confident we’re going to make it. Everyone is in a constant rage. Our browser tabs and apps just keep thinking and spinning. We’re turning on each other and it’s a blood bath.”

It all began one week ago when the Internet in their family home starting acting up. “At first Netflix wasn’t streaming properly. We were binging on “Magic Mirror” when it started buffering for minutes at a time. After a half hour of that crap, my son attempted to rip our TV from the wall. I barely stopped him in time, he was screaming,” said John. “I’ll never forget its shrill for the rest of my life.”

Soon after, the Stein’s daughter began yelling that her Instagram app wasn’t loading pictures. John checked their speeds and discovered it was at 0.5 megabits. “I called our cable company looking for blood,” said John. 

After being on hold for roughly two hours, the Stein children began to panic. “I would get a notification from Facebook, but when I’d check the app it was blank. All my friends are doing things online without me! I’m missing out on everything!” said Steven Stein, 11 years old.

John was finally referred to a technician after being on hold for roughly two hours. “The moron asked me to restart the modem. I already restarted the modem before I called! What kind of idiot does he think I am?” said John. When the technician then asked if their devices were plugged in, John went into a clinical meltdown. “I couldn’t feel my hands. I thought I was dying,” he said.

After three hours of troubleshooting to no avail, the technician scheduled an appointment for a tech to visit the home, but the earliest appointment was two weeks out. The family immediately went into a tailspin.

“We couldn’t even rely on our phones because we sucked up all our data without the WIFI. It was like we were back in the dark ages,” said Diana, their eldest daughter.

The family has one week left of little to no Internet before their scheduled appointment with a technician. Tensions are so high, friends of the family have asked for routine wellness checks from the Sheriff’s department.

“The world just keeps spinning without us, forgetting us in our despair,” said Diana. “I can’t even imagine how many birthdays I’ve missed without Facebook reminders. How many divorce or baby announcements. How many selfies I haven’t seen. Sure, we’ll have Internet in a week, but by then it may be too late for us. Everyone’s moved on.”

Friends of the family have started a GoFundMe to raise money for any counseling fees that may be needed after the horrific ordeal is over. All donations may be made under the Stein family.

Anna Lind Thomas is the Founder/Head Writer & Designer at HaHas for HooHas.

When she's not being ridiculous on HooHas, she takes a funny spin on living with purpose and dream chasing like a crazy person on her personal site, annalindthomas.com.

You can follow Anna on her personal Facebook page and learn more in the About Us.
 
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