Types of Sports Moms

Dance, soccer, t-ball…regardless of what sport your child participates in, you can pretty much count on noticing the behaviors of the other moms. We come in all shapes and sizes, but we all tend to fall into general categories.
 
My daughter started gymnastics a few weeks ago and I couldn’t help but observe…and take a few notes, because that’s how I do. You can probably substitute your sport of choice in place of the word gymnastics, because I have a feeling the behaviors are pretty much the same.
 
Behold, the moms of the gymnastics waiting room area:
 
 
Former Gymnast Mom
Didn’t make it to the Olympics through no fault of her own, but determined her 8 year old will not suffer the same fate. You know this because she tells you. Every. Single. Week.
 
 
Super Loud Cell Phone Talking Mom
Because she either truly believes she’s using an inside voice or that is her inside voice, in which case, we should all just be thankful this isn’t an outdoor sport. Could she quietly text instead? Of course. But that doesn’t draw the attention she’s seeking.
 
 
Always Fiddling With Child’s Hair Mom
Let me help you out here. IT’S NOT GONNA STAY IN THE PONY TAIL! Either buy some damn bobby pins or shave it already.
 
 
Over Zealous Mom
Coming just short of pressing her face against the viewing window and is frequently heard loud whispering, “Nailed it!” If this were football, she’d have a cowbell. No question.
 
 
Giant Purse Mom
Must…find…something. Just keep digging, just keep digging.
 
 
Gum Mom
*smack, smack, smack*…which is exactly what everyone in the room wants to do to her.
 
 
Super Dedicated Mom
Her life given mission is to sign her daughter up for as many classes possible per week so that she can tell everyone exactly how many hours per week she devotedly stands at that window. Her daughter’s just that good, y’all.
 
 
Exhausted Mom
Who the crap cares about gymnastics? She’s here to prop her head against a wall and get an hour of uninterrupted sleep.
 
 
Totally Checked Out Mom
Nose buried deep into a novel completely oblivious to the sport happening on the other side of the window. Kid? Gymnastics? I’ve got a kid in gymnastics?
 
 
Chatty Mom
(Totally Checked Out Mom’s archenemy.)
Oh! Em! Gee!!! You will never believe everything that’s happened to me since the last time I saw you yesterday!”
 
 
Out Of Control Toddler Mom
Too busy catching up with Chatty Mom to realize that her 2 year old is crawling under people’s chairs, over their laps and repeatedly filling and discarding cups of water at the complimentary drink station, utterly clueless to the fact that Exhausted Mom over there is about to take matters into her own hands.
 
 
Veteran Mom
She’s been here before, people. This is her 4th kid in this sport, therefore she’s the only one qualified to tell you exactly what to expect on any given day. And believe me, she will.
 
 
Overly Involved Mom
Often coupled with Former Gymnast Mom, who volunteers to help at the recital and is ready to astound the audience with her 30 year old back hand spring if or when she’s introduced.
 
 
Health Nut Mom
Always arrives straight from a workout, clad in yoga pants and ponytail with a full supply of carrots, celery and bottled water for her young athlete’s long 15 minute car ride home after a grueling practice.
 
 
Doesn’t Leave Home Without Her Laptop Mom
Oh wait, that’s me. Nothin to see here, ladies. Just working on my next writing assignment.
Please, by all means, carry on.
 
PS. Don’t be fooled by my yoga pants and ponytail…I’m packin Oreos for the ride home.