Signs You Need a Momcation - STAT

Image credit Paul Brennan.

You start singing the intro to Dinosaur Train in the shower even though you loathe it. 

You've burned a hole in the crotch of your yoga pants.

Sexy fantasies are a night alone with Ben and Jerry.

When talking to a member of the family, you call them everybody else’s name, including the dog, before finally landing on their name.

You throw a box of cereal at your kids for dinner.

Showering is roughly translated as going through cans of dry shampoo.

You are constantly convinced you’re forgetting a child.    

You speak kid language even when you're alone with your husband. “Honey? When you’re off the potty can you come here for a second? I think I have a boo boo.”

Your diet consists of cold coffee and bread crusts.

You’re inspired by a recipe you saw on Food Network, but by dinner you’re so over it you throw hotdogs in the mac and cheese and call it “gourmet.”

You have a chocolate stash in the dish towel drawer because you know nobody’s going near that drawer.

You've been alone for 20 minutes and you're still watching Sesame Street. And laughing at the funny parts.

… then when your husband comes in the room, you tell him the funny part and get irritated when he doesn’t laugh like you did.

When the idea of a nap time gives you the same feeling as a Xanax.

When the only way you can remember your age is to remember how old your kids are.

You start applying Daniel Tiger’s life lessons to your own life.

You wear your wireless nursing bra out in public because there are simply zero fs to give at this point.

You and your kids just stay in pajamas all day because it makes bedtime “easier.”

You’re so out of the loop on celebrity culture, you think Kanye West is a street corner.

You direct your kid to puke on you to protect the carpets.

You’re not above hands free pumping at school drop off.

You fall asleep breastfeeding and wake up with your boob out on a regular basis.

You decide to wear a little makeup and one of your kids start crying because they think you’re going out without them.

 

Ok, what have I missed?

This post was written with HooHas Contributor Sara Baxter.