Self-Checkout Lane at Wal-Mart Tests Local Woman’s Will to Live


Janice Dubois, 43, decided to go through the self-checkout lane at Walmart, late Monday afternoon. She says the entire experience tested her will to live.

“I try to avoid Walmart at all costs. The last time I was there I’m pretty sure a man in cut off jean shorts flashed me his wiener,” said Dubois. “But, I was running late and went there out of convenience. Biggest mistake of my life.”

Dubois said that out of all 25 checkout lanes, only two were open and at least 5 people deep. It caused her to make a rash decision. “I noticed the self-checkout lanes were empty, so I dashed over thinking I’d be through in less than 5 minutes. I’m such an idiot.”

Dubois said trouble started when the prompt buttons on the checkout screen weren’t working correctly. “I had to press cash, check or credit card, but whenever I pressed credit it just froze and didn’t do anything. I was like, Uhh, is this thing working? Do I need to go to another lane? I started to feel insecure and began hot flashing.”

She flipped on the help sign, but none of the employees seemed to care. “Thankfully it unfroze and started working. It told me to start scanning my groceries, so I did. But then it kept telling me I had to put it by the grocery bags, so I did, but that wasn’t working and this stupid computer voice kept telling me to scan it again, but it just kept charging me over and over! I wanted to rip off my clothes and run screaming out of that god forsaken place!”

Dubois said the self-checkout lane’s torment didn’t end there. “After 30 minutes, some woman wearing a shirt so tight, I could see most of her bra, pulled up her cart behind me. What the hell was she doing? There were 5 other open self-checkout lanes!” said Dubois. “Anyway, it started working - sort of. Once I scanned my Oreo Thins, it couldn’t read the barcode. It just kept making this loud beep sound, like I was on some game show and got the wrong answer. Meanwhile, the other lanes with cashiers are getting people through like crazy and bra lady kept impatiently sighing at me. I was like, screw it, grabbed my groceries and headed over to the other lanes.”

As she headed over one of the open lanes, however - the cashier turned her light off and directed Dubois to another lane, where a hairy large man wearing a tank top in winter weather just pulled up 3 huge carts filled with Gatorade and bulk beef products.

“I began questioning if life was even worth living at that point,” said Dubois. “Walmart was not only taking away my time, but it was taking away my sanity.”

After 45 minutes, Dubois was finally able to purchase her groceries. She vows to never put herself through that hell again.