Don’t think. Just breathe. Crap, I’m not supposed to think. Okay, breathe. Breathe. What does it mean to think about thinking? Okay, shh. Breathe. Deep breath. Shit I’m yawning, I can’t stop yawning. He’s looking right at me. I’m not even tired. Far from it. Look, look how wide my fingers are! Now the girl next to me is yawning. Just stop yawning. Not abruptly! Now I have to yawn again. Okay. Just breathe. Breathe. Wait what does Utanasana mean again? Oh right, bend over, duh! Okay. Breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Thinking is the enemy. Thinking about thinking is He Who Shall Not Be Named. Okay. Blablabla. Breathe in through the nose and out through the—is it mouth or nose… What’s that girl doing? I think it’s mouth. Crap it’s not mouth. It’s definitely breathe out through the nose. Mouths are for eating vegan and saying stupid thoughts out loud. How exactly am I supposed to breathe through my toes? Am I doing it? I think I’m breathing through my toes. Become one with yourself, become one what connects you to the earth. I’m what connects me to the earth, oneness, nice… killing it. Crap, my leg’s shaking, I can’t hold this. Breathe, breathe. This is so embarrassing. Okay this girl's sitting, good, I can sit too. Breathe in through the nose, breathe out through the… mouth? No it’s nose! Okay. Breathe, just breathe. Breathe in, breathe out… If ya iced up, pull ya sleeves out. Push a big truck, pull ya keys out. Girls go wild and pull ya deeez out. Ah, stop rapping Ludacris!! Okay. Headstands? Really? We’re doing headstands. Were these women hired to take this class just to make me look bad? Jesus. I mean, Vishnu. Okay lengthen, tuck in your rips, tighten your glutes, activate, center, breathe, breathe, breathe, lift, lift your legs, lift, extend, connect to the earth and the sky, breathe, breathe, brea—holy shit I’m actually – okay I fell. He’s totally judging me. Whatever, yoga isn’t about getting the moves right it’s about knowing when to have a panic attack in child’s pose. This is calm. I feel my body and let go of my self. I feel the air. I feel the space I do not fill. I feel my chest against my legs. I feel my forehead against the floor. Breathe, breathe, breathe, ah spider!