Raise Your Water Bottle Filled with Wine to the Fathers in our Lives!

We’re approaching the 3rd weekend in June, and we know what that means. It’s all about the man of the house. The husband. You know, that guy who frequently baffles us more than the actual children he fathered.
 
So please join me in raising my water bottle filled with wine, as I give a shout out to my best friend.
 
Here’s to the man who:
 
…can’t be trusted to buy feminine hygiene products after approaching a Walmart employee and asking for “the biggest thing you got.”
 
…can make anything perverted. And does.
 
…is the reason I own a Scentsy aromatic diffuser.
 
…tried to kill a raccoon in our garage with a bow and arrow, but shot through our outdoor refrigerator instead.
 
…DJ'd the church’s (first and only) youth dance and introduced them to such artists as Van Halen, Bon Jovi, and Def Leopard.

…can’t make it through the produce isle without squeezing my melons.

…would get sucked into the 90 minute time share presentation by the guy standing outside the Hilton Head Walmart if I wasn't there to lure him to the van with a package of Oreos.

…faithfully watches Finding Bigfoot because "you should be prepared."

…wears his Ohio State ball cap everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

…makes fun of me for watching The Bachelorette, but then asked where Chad was last week.

…can make 2 triples in a co-ed softball game, but then accuses me of arranging it with the other team as part of a "cruel fitness program."

…used clothes hangers, wires, and the car battery to electrify the ground, because YouTube said it’d bring fishing worms to the surface for fishing bait. (It worked on 2 worms....or they just came up out of morbid curiosity.)

 
…believes sleeves are optional at church and/or weddings.
 
…bought me a super-sized box of Captain Crunch peanut butter balls for my birthday.

…willingly pulls over to allow our child (or me) to relieve ourselves along the side of the road and doesn't even roll his eyes when our child (or me) doesn't quite make it.

…knows how to have fun.

…has me, our children, and grandchildren at the top of his priority list.

…is slow to anger. (Unless it involves the Buckeyes, the AT&T customer service rep, or the DirectTv satellite tech named Roy.)

…baptized our daughter in the ocean at sunrise.

…swept me off my feet 26 years ago and hasn't put me down since.

…gives freely with no strings attached.

…loves unconditionally.

…makes me laugh (almost) every day.

 
…doesn't have a selfish bone in his body.

…shows me the kind of person I want to be.

 
How ‘bout you? Have a special guy who can fix the refrigerator, but can’t find the mayo? Or maybe can’t figure out how to put the toilet seat down, but managed to make it to level 257 on World Of Warcraft?
 
Raise your bottles, ladies. Let’s toast that bad boy.