TULSA, OK -
A Tulsa Oklahoma police officer has been put on desk duty after mistakenly arresting several women outside of Starbucks on 12th and Q Streets for public intoxication and possession of contraband. According to the report, the women were acting “loud and obnoxious” with “wild, crazed looks in their eyes” chanting PSL repeatedly until one woman reportedly collapsed.
An anonymous person called in a complaint that a group of women were causing a disturbance outside of the Starbucks and were claiming to be drinking PSLs. Officer Grady responded to the call. When he approached and asked if the women had consumed PSL, the women yelled in unison, “Hell yeah!” When asked if any of the women had PSL on their person, they shouted things like, “You bet your sweet ass Po Po!” and “Now watch me sip! Now watch me slurp-ay!” in the tune of the popular song “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae).” The officer immediately called for backup and arrested the women in the parking lot. He was not aware PSL meant “Pumpkin Spice Latte” and confused it for a new street drug similar to LSD.
“I couldn’t believe he was arresting us,” said Charlotte Little, 29. “At first I thought he was kidding, but as he was putting cuffs on me he kept saying I needed help and that someday PSL was going to kill me. I thought maybe he saw that stupid meme from the Food Babe that went viral last year.”
PSL Arrest Victim, Katie Spur, Associated Press
Another woman arrested, Katie Spur, 31, said the entire ordeal has scarred her for life. “The arrest obviously ruined my caffeine buzz, I’ll tell you that. The fall release of Pumpkin Spice Lattes is the best day of my life, just above the birth of my daughter. Now it’s been tarnished forever.”
The officer could not be reached for comment, but his lawyer released a statement that read, “Officer Grady is deeply sorry for mistakenly arresting the women outside of Starbucks who appeared to be losing their damn minds over a delicious coffee beverage. He was not aware the public obsession with PSL was an actual thing and says more needs to be done to train officers from distinguishing who is high on pumpkin spice lattes and who is high on dangerous drugs. He hopes to be back serving the public soon.”
At this time it is unknown if any of the women will be pressing charges against the city. Each admitted they will continue to consume pumpkin spice lattes because it brings them more joy than it probably should.
This post is satire. Please don't send complaints to the Tulsa police department. Image via LookieBoo.com.