People I'd Tell to 'Knock it Off' if I Weren't So Damn Polite

 
If you know me at all, you know I frequently find myself annoyed in social settings. What you might find surprising, is that my manners do actually kick in and I hold myself together pretty darn well. (Ok, usually.) But alas, I’m human, and occasionally need to let off a little steam. So allow me to take this opportunity to vent my list of those in the general public, whom you might agree, need to knock it off.
 
The person who chooses the seat right beside me in the otherwise empty movie theater.
 
The dentist who inevitably starts a conversation with me the minute he digs both hands into my mouth.
 
The snobby coffee barista who’s determined to screw me out of 6 extra bucks to push the Honduras Pour Over when all I want is a freakin’ cheap vanilla latte.
 
The grumpy Walmart floor cleaner who demands he has the right of way.
 
The lady ahead of me at the deli who took a number without first deciding what she wants.
 
The shopper in front of me with the over-flowing cart in the 20 items or less line.
 
The shopper behind me who’s riding my heels with her cart as if I can totally control how fast this line is movin’.
 
The Walmart cashier who lacks complete judgment by repeatedly trying to engage me  in small talk when I’m standing there holding Midol and a box of tampons.
 
People who put their kids in sports but then complain that it’s competitive.
 
 Football moms with cowbells.
 
Amusement park employees who stalk me to ‘take a quick pic’ as soon as I enter the gate.
 
Telemarketers.
 
Anyone approaching me with a clipboard in the mall.
 
Pedestrians who take their sweet time crossing the street.
 
The guy who pulls out in front of me, only to then go under the speed limit, and the people who stay in the fast lane of the highway despite the line of cars backed up behind them silently cursing their souls. 
 
The old lady at church who tries to greet everyone with a kiss right on the lips.
 
My husband who allows the old lady at church to kiss him right on the lips.
 
People who stand super close. And talk (((SUPER LOUD))).
 
Anyone who reaches across my plate of food for anything.
 
Contractors who don’t show up.
(Um, correct me if I’m wrong, but this is your job, right?)
 
Waitresses who call me sweetheart, honey, sugar, babe, darlin’, you name it.
(Refer to my husband that way and you should know I’m never too polite to kick a little ass.)
 
If you’re nodding your head while you read this list, welcome to the club.
If you're offended by something on this list, I must be talking to you. So seriously…knock that crap off.