An Open Letter to the Idiots Who Don't Notice My Baby

Dear people who need to get their eyes checked,

When I was pregnant, it didn’t take long for me to notice that people looked at me differently. I’d get smiles, head nods and warm glowing looks. People went out of their way to help me. I would have stand-offs with elderly women over who should open the door for who, and I’d let them win because my feet were swollen and I was on the hunt for carbs.

After having my baby, I realized there are two kinds of people in this world. People who love babies and people who don’t. You must obviously be in the latter camp because when I walked by you with the cutest baby who has ever lived, you didn’t even notice. I’m pretty sure Marilyn Manson doesn’t like babies, so let that sink in for a second.

I’ve heard that nobody thinks your baby is as cute as you do, but now that I have my Lucy in my arms, whoever said that must have been Steve Buscemi’s mom. Hello?! She’s wearing cowboy boots! And you don’t even look in her direction? Get your eyes checked you blind psychopaths!

Today I brought my baby into the grocery store ...