Nighttime Chaos: I Handle Everything, My Husband Sleeps Like a Corpse

Apparently, my motherly superpower is my ability to wake up and put out multiple fires throughout the night with my kids. My husband's superpower is to sleep through everything peacefully like a corpse.

As mothers, we are told we have superpowers that enable us to cook a meal, change a diaper, and pay bills all at the same time. But, truthfully, I am more in awe of my husband's ability to sleep through the night life that happens right under the nose that obviously refuses to use the trimmer I bought him for Christmas.

This morning, like every other morning, at 5:45 AM, the alarm on my phone starts playing A Walk In The Forest and I drag my exhausted butt out of bed to get a head start on the day. I'm exhausted because, once again, I have been up all night with kids. I've gotten pretty good at falling back to sleep in between these interruptions, but I'm nowhere near the required eight hours. There is a very small window of time I could nap during the day but I should shower since my hair looks like something you'd snake out of your kitchen sink.

On this particular morning, I sit down at the computer to write when my husband, Chris, walked into the kitchen looking dapper and ready to leave for work.

"Rough night, huh?" I asked him.

"Uh - what?"

"Rough night. Between the dog having diarrhea, Ellie's cough, and Katya's nightmares -- ugh. I'm exhausted."


"Yeah! I felt like it would never end! Oh, and thanks for helping me get her that cough syrup." I looked over at Chris and he was giving me a blank stare that was starting to make me nervous, but I kept going anyway. "It was a godsend. She finally fell asleep around 3 PM and I was able to get Katya settled in our room on the floor around 4 PM."

"Katya's in our room?" he asked, stunned. My nervousness started to turn into slight irritation.

"Ummmm, yeah? You didn't know that? You helped me make her a bed!"

"Really? I was just in there opening drawers and turning on lights while I got dressed for work. I had no idea she was in there."

"How can you not remember this?" I said, now a touch nervous I had hallucinated an entire night of diarrhea, incessant coughing and nightmares.

"I don't know. I thought I slept through the whole night."

My eyebrows furrowed. "You really don't remember helping make her bed? Or getting the cough syrup?"

"Well, now that you mention it I sort of remember those things. But not really. Geez - it's like a whole other world goes on while I'm sleeping."

"Tell me about it, dude." 

So MY superpower enables me to multi-task a crap-load of stuff, but his gives him the feeling of a full night's sleep? Effing-a