We planned this trip to the Dominican, and my friend suggested I get a bikini wax. I told her that it sounded absolutely horrible, but went ahead with it anyway.
So I buy this Groupon for a freakishly cheap $15 bikini wax and thought I'd give it a whirl. I go in and make my appointment, and they tell me, "Check out all of our packages, so you can come back all the time!" I replied, "I don't think this is something that I'm going to enjoy so let's just stick to this one."
I nervously waited to get called back and this lady comes and takes me to a room. The first thing she says is, "Okay, take your pants off." Startled, I said, "I'm sorry, what was your name? Didn't you want to have dinner first? No? Okay." I take my pants off and she says, "Hop up on the table." So I oblige. Then she tells me, "Put your feet together like this and spread 'em." I look at her funny and then start to sweat and hyperventilate a little.
She instructs me to lean back and I think to myself of how uncomfortable this is. With my feet together and my knees out, I sweat even more. When I get uncomfortable, I make really terrible jokes and make awkward conversation.
She asks me, "So, hows your job?" I tell her, "This is really uncomfortable!" and she replies, "Oh, it'll be okay." If she only knew...
The lady starts prepping the black tar wax. This is more awkward than the gyno, mind you as I still have my pants off and legs ready to go.
So I'm sweating, telling her, "It's hot in here. Can we turn the air on?!" She assures me that I'll be okay.
I'm anticipating the wax and making this awkward laughing sound. She's all downtown with the black tar and then rips my flesh off.
I yell, "Oh my God! Oh my God!" and start inhaling and exhaling loudly like I'm doing Lamaze.