My Kid Thinks I'm Not Santa

Our kids don't believe in Santa. When my oldest daughter was born we weren't sure what we would do around Christmas but the first time she looked at us with those big, brown, tear-filled eyes and terror on her face when she heard a big fat guy is able to fit down our chimney in the middle of the night, we decided we would answer her questions honestly. She asked us if he was real and we told her the truth. They've been raised being told (by us) he's not real, but we watch all the Santa movies, wave at him in the mall, and sing all of his songs around the holidays. But recently my three year old has been questioning the existence of Santa. As in, she thinks Santa may be real and I'm trying to steal his limelight and take all the credit. It all started a week ago when she asked if she could go ahead and open her presents.

Katya: "Can I open my presents?"

Me: "No. Not yet. They're called Christmas presents for a reason."

Katya: "Well, do you even have them yet?"

Me: "Yes, I have them in a secret place."

Katya: "Can I see them?"

Me: "No, Katya. Not yet."


Katya: "Mom, you said Santa's not real, right?"

Me: "Right."

Katya: "He doesn't bring me presents?"

Me: "Correct."

Katya: "But YOU do?"

Me: "Yes."

Katya: "But you can't show them to me?"

Me: "That's right."

Katya: "Well, how I do I know you're the one who gives me the gifts?"

Me: "What?"

Katya: "What if  you're just telling me you bring the gifts but..."

Me: "Wait. You think Santa brings the gifts and Daddy and I just change the name on the presents?"


Me: "Well -- uh -- I, uh, don't know what to say except that we do have your presents."

Katya: "So show them to me."

Me: "No!"

Katya: "Why not? Don't you have them?"

Me: "Yes! I have them! But I'm not going to show them to you until Christmas morning!!!"

Katya: "Does Santa yell like that?"

Me: "We're not talking about this anymore!!"

Katya:  ::eyes me over::

"Fine. Just make sure to keep the chimney open and don't light a fire on Christmas Eve. Just  in case."


God bless us. Every freakin' one.