My Husband Cheated On Me Last Night

My husband cheated on me last night.

He didn't show any remorse as he confessed the entire ordeal, in great gruesome detail. He said he met the home wrecker while he was in Indiana on a business trip. He was actually bragging to me about things that they did in a penthouse bathroom with marble floors and a full-length mirror. When I became visibly upset, he told me to quit my crying, and he casually left the room and shut the door behind him. I was sobbing so hard that I nearly barfed, and I threw a box fan at the door. Yes, a box fan.

And then I woke up.

I hope the people who know us personally didn't quit reading before this point. That's exactly how rumors get started.

Although the cheating was merely a dream, when I woke up, I was absolutely livid. I reached over and punched the crap out of my sleeping Hubs.

Hubs: What is that for!?
Me: You sorry @*%$*@&! I know what you did last night!
Hubs: What?
Me: The tramp in Indiana?
Hubs: What?
Me: Don't play dumb with me!
Hubs: What?
Me: Is she prettier than me?
Hubs: Who?
Me: The tramp in Indiana!
Hubs: What?
Me: Do you love her?
Hubs: Who?
Me: The tramp in Indiana!
Hubs: What?
Me: You had an affair with a tramp in Indiana! You confessed the whole thing to me! You bragged about it to me. You actually bragged about it!
Hubs: What?
Me: She wears thongs, doesn't she?
Hubs: Who?
Me: THE TRAMP IN INDIANA!
Hubs: What?

Seriously, this happened. I was in that strange phase where I wasn't asleep, but I wasn't fully awake. And I was livid.

Hours later, I was still mad. I narrowed my eyes at Hubs as he fixed a bowl of ice cream.

Me: Does that tramp like ice cream?
Hubs: Who?
Me: The tramp in Indiana.
Hubs: Do we have to go through this again?
Me: You bet we do.
Hubs: Calm down and have some ice cream. It’s Butter Pecan.
Me: You know I hate Butter Pecan. You must have me confused with the tramp in Indiana.

It's amazing what a dream can do.