Pictured above: Emily Berken wearing her cardboard box Halloween costume completely clueless to how she is devastating her mother.
Carrie Berken, mother of 2 year old daughter Emily, spent 72 hours straight hand making an Elsa Halloween costume, themed from the Disney blockbuster hit, Frozen. “Emily begged for an Elsa costume,” said Berken. “All the costumes online were either too expensive or looked too flimsy, so I decided to make the costume myself for my little one. It was definitely a labor of love.”
What Berksen didn’t anticipate is how long it would take her to make the costume. “To be honest, I suck at crafts, so I knew this was going to be a real challenge. I was following every Pinterest tutorial out there and this son of a b**** took me 72 straight hours to make. Once my fingers started bleeding I said to myself, “If my baby girl doesn’t like this costume, she’s out of the will.’”
When Berksen presented the costume to her daughter Emily, her daughter was elated and wanted to wear it immediately. “She wore it everywhere we went. As long as she kept it in tact until we went trick-or-treating, I thought I hit the Halloween jackpot. To be honest, I got that shivery feeling like some sancti-mommies get when they think they’re better than everybody else. When she wanted to wear it to the grocery store, suddenly 72 hours of hard labor until I collapsed was worth it. I thought I was the best mom ever.”
However, Berksen’s Halloween dream started to become a Halloween nightmare when Emily began to change her mind about the costume. Berksen tried to throw away a CostCo sized box of Eggo waffles when it caught Emily's eye. She had never seen such a large, glorious box in her life.
“It was like a scene from a horror movie,” said Berksen. “She said to me, ‘Mama, I love dis box. I wanna be dis box for Hawoween. Okay, mama?’ I didn’t know how to respond I was so stunned. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.”
Berksen begged Emily to wear the Elsa costume, trying persuasion, manipulation and eventually threats, but to no avail. Emily was going to be a cardboard box for Halloween come hell or high water. “No Mama! I gonna be dis box!” said Emily. “Looka me Mama! I a box Mama!”
“Never again,” said Berksen. “All these moms making homemade cupcakes sculpted into adorable pumpkins, incredible spooky wreaths and fantastic homemade costumes can kiss my non-crafty ass. I’m buying my cupcakes from Sack N Save, so suck on that unrealistic mommy expectations!” Berken pumped her fist into the air. “You know who else can suck it? Pinterest. I don’t need an app making me feel bad about myself, thank you very much. I have a mommy group that can do that just fine.”
Since the interview, the Berksen’s said Emily loved her cardboard box costume for the first 5 minutes of trick-or-treating until she thought it was annoying and asked for it to be thrown in the trash.
This post is satire. Picture provided by HooHas Contributor Sara Baxter.