March Madness...Because We're Not Pissed Enough At This Point

Original image via TV Over Mind

 

March. Winter’s last hurrah, which is why moms everywhere are ready to kick its ass out the door. And as if the unpredictable weather on the heels of a long winter cooped up with children wasn’t enough to make us completely mad, somewhere along the lines of history, a man, (it had to be a man), invented March Madness…
 
…because the hours upon hours of basketball seemed like a totally great idea, since the hours upon hours of football weren’t quite enough to hold him over until the hours upon hours of baseball begin.
 
…because when you think of super clever phrases like, Sweet 16, Elite 8, and Final 4, you can’t not use them.
 
…because who doesn’t need a reason to sit on the couch for 3 more weekends in a row?
 
…because ‘brackets’ are a thing. Like, a serious-life-altering-important thing.
 
…because family meals in front of the tv are super intimate.
 
…because who needs date nights anyway?
 
…because the sound of Dick Vitale’s grating voice yelling “BABY!” over and over again will keep a woman as far away as possible, providing men with some peace and quiet.
 
…because the television should be on at all times during family gatherings.
 
…and because it shouldn’t be limited to March, just because it’s called March Madness, so let’s spill it on into April to drive women completely over the edge.
 
…because obviously, there’s no downside here, right?