CINCINNATI, OHIO -
Cincinnati native, Jim Herald, 32, says he is “disheartened” his roughly 35 angry and generally inaccurate Facebook status updates he posts per day don’t seem to be swaying his friends into voting for his candidate.
“I believe in this unique election cycle, it is my civic duty to angrily inform my Facebook friends why my candidate would be the best president. We’re living in very dangerous times. If they don’t agree with me, then it’s important I inform them how stupid, ignorant, uneducated and evil they are.”
Despite his attempts to sway his friends towards his political leanings, Herald says he is “surprised” and “saddened” he only seems to get likes from people who already agreed with him.
“My friends who do not agree with me politically aren’t crossing over to my side, even after I inundate their newsfeed with opinion articles and salacious fact-like opinions. When I remind them they are only disagreeing with me because they are uneducated idiots, they still don’t see the error of their ways. Sometimes I wonder why I even try."
We reached out to people on Herald’s friend list to get their opinion of his relentless political efforts. A female friend who wished to remain anonymous said she agreed with Herald politically, but wish he’d give it a rest. “I can only take so much negativity and conspiracy theories before I run right to the cat videos,” she said.
A friend who disagreed with Herald on “nearly everything” said he liked Herald’s barrage of status updates. “I just troll everything he says, it’s the bright spot in my day with my terrible desk job.”
Everyone else we contacted said they “unfollowed his ass months ago.”
This is satire. Please don't Google "Jim Herald" and harass some poor, unsuspecting man.