Liquid Hell

Conversation with my Hubby... about changing our 2 year old son's diaper.

Via: HaHas for HooHas

Me:  What is that smell?!

Hubby:  What? (inhales deeply) I don't smell... *gags* *gutteral growls/extreme distaste noises mixed with dramatic eye rolling and facial contortions*

Me:  You're ridiculous. (eye roll)

Hubby:  It smells like a dead animal! *more drama and noises*

Me: Well, I am nursing the baby so you're going to have to change him before this turns into a Fear Factor experience.

Hubby:  Can't it wait till your done? I mean I just changed his last diaper bomb, it's your turn... a man's stomach can only take so much...

Me:  *glares with that you're a sissy and you better do it or else... look*

Hubby: Okay! *gets up from his nap position.

Me:   Put his shorts back on the right way this time, I don't like having to explain to people why our child has shorts inside out and backwards on all the time.

Hubby:  I always put them on the right way!

Me:  If Saint Peter's test for people to enter into the pearly gates of heaven was to snap a onesie on a baby and put its shorts on right... you'd go straight to hell... every time.

Hubby:  You're ridiculous! *grunts with irritation as he sizes up our son's outfit*

Me:  It's not an IQ test for NASA you know, I mean who can't line up some snaps and find a tag in some shorts?

Hubby:  (Ignores me and chases and catches our son)  He stinks!

*Puts him on change table and peels pants off*

*Violent gagging and gasping*

Hubby:  Oh my!!! What did you FEED him!? Oh Father, have mercy!!! It's all over his legs!!! It's liquid hell!! *gags some more*

Me:  Oh come on...

Hubby:  Come over here and smell it! See how you can choke it!

Me:  I can smell it fine from here...

Hubby:  Mercy! Why!? *eyes water*

Me:  (Not amused and slightly bored look)

Hubby:  I need your help. It's going to get all over him if I pull his onesie off over his head...

Me:  Not if you pull it out from his body and shield him with your hand, you have to wash your hands anyhow...

Hubby:  Look at his legs and feet! It's even between his toes! It's squishing between his toes!!!

Me:  Great, that means when you chased him he tracked it all over the carpet in the hall and living room... just great!

Hubby:  How was I to know it was gushing down his legs!?

Me:  He will need a shower by the looks of it...

Hubby:  *Cries out with horror* It's ON MY FINGER!!!! WIPE!! WIPE!!! I NEED A WIPE!!!

Hubby:  (Frantically rips wipes out of container and scrubs hands) This can't be for real! This isn't happening to me...

Me:  (Between hoots of laughter) Ohhh... trust me... it's for real!!! 

Hubby: (Carefully lays diaper in diaper pail when a blast of diaper pail smells hits him in the face) *gags violently and chokes like he ate dry corn bread*

Hubby: What am I going to do with him now, he stinks bad even though I wiped him down... it's like it's in his skin that smell...



Hubby:  He kicked the diaper off! It landed liquid hell side down!! On the carpet!! It's on the wall too!

Me: ...... *Rolls eyes to heaven* "Lord have Mercyyyyy! Lord have mercy!!!" Next time... you nurse her and I will change the diaper so I don't have to do damage contol every time!!!

Lindsay Madison age 25 currently lives in Tennessee. She lives with and cares for her 93 year old grandmother and has 2 children under the age of 2 and studies wilderness survival, edible and medicinal wild plants, orangic gardening and living, nurtrition, and the Bible.

She has a group called "Happy Homemakers" on Facebook and a blog JourneyforUnderstanding for more information on these topics.