Just Stop It: Sexy Halloween Costumes That Prove We're Trying too Hard

Maybe I'm a little "different." Ok, I'm probably a lot different. This became clear to me when I was in college at my very first Halloween party. My best guy friend and I went to several parties dressed like Mario and Luigi (before they made Mario and Luigi costumes, thank you very much. We were Mavericks!).

I was Luigi and wore XL mens over-alls only because that was the only size available at Wal-Mart. Underneath I wore a normal green t-shirt. We made our own hats and I painted a handle bar mustache on my face. When I entered the party, I immediately realized I missed "the point of Halloween is to make everyone horny" memo. Sexy, naughty school girls, sexy vampires (basically black lingerie with a cape) and I think someone was a half-naked construction worker. For the record, -2 men asked for my number. 

It appears nothing has really changed in a decade, either. This year I plan on dressing up as "8 months pregnant with hemorrhoids" and you'll find me going to a party in my recliner with my legs elevated.

Every year, the sexy stakes keep getting higher. I don't have a problem with women dressing sexy, I just want to make fun of the ones that do it in a Spongebob Squarepants costume. Is that so wrong?! We might be trying just a little too hard, ladies. And we're trying WAY harder than men. 

Here are some costumes that may prove my point (while also giving me the heebie jeebies). Prepare to clutch your pearls.


Sexy Pikachu. More like, "Take a peek at my Pikachu."

her costume


Sexy Nemo. More Like, "It's not hard to find my Nemo, if you catch my drift."

her costume / his costume


Sexy Spongebob Squarepants. More Like, "Spongebob Hornypants."

her costume / his costume



Frozen's Sexy Olaf Costume. More like, "I'm so hot I'm gonna melt your Olaf."

her costume / his costume



Sexy Mario. More like, "Not sure why I bothered to wear any clothes."

her costume / his costume


If I didn't have a life to tend to, I could add a lot more. In some respects, I'm impressed. Apparently women could make a tub of Crisco sexy. 

Just please - no Sexy Mother Theresa costumes - we're not that desperate. Sexy Spongebob is where I draw the line.