The Ironies of Motherhood

1. When you are pregnant, you lay awake in bed at night dreaming of your baby. When the precious bundle arrives, you spend the next 18 years dreaming of being able to sleep through the night.


2. You look forward to having a childless night out with your spouse or friends, then you spend the entire time thinking, talking, or worrying about your kids.


3. You have to fight with your child to wake up for school in the morning, but on the week-ends he wakes up at the ass crack of dawn.


4. The baby finally sleeps through the night, but you wake up in a panic to make sure she is still alive and breathing.


5. You go to college to get a degree to have a career because that is what is expected of you. Then you have children and are expected to stay home in order to be considered a "good mom" since that would be “best for the children”.


6. Each day you make sure your child’s diet includes fruits, vegetables, and healthy grains. Your child eats Play-Doh. And boogers.  


7. You scrub the kitchen floor and something gets spilled. Usually juice, or syrup. Something sticky. EVERY FREAKING TIME!


8. You spend every waking hour worrying about, thinking about, and caring for your children; you would do anything for them; you would give your life for them. They tell you on a regular basis that you're the worst parent in the world.


9. You buy an expensive toy that you're so sure your children will love, and they end up playing with the box it came in. And fighting over whose turn it is to use the box.


10. You count down the hours until it's time for your crabby, wild, crazy children to go to bed and when, by the grace of God, they finally do, you sit and watch them sleep and think about how sweet and beautiful they are.


And last but not least:

Parenting is the most difficult job with the least training, the least pay, and the least respect, but you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.