How You Do Church with Small Children

Ahhh, Sunday. The day of rest. The day to celebrate our Lord Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, it’s also the morning where you hear His name used more in vain by mothers all over the world than any other day of the week.

It’s a proven fact that, no matter how much preparation or foresight goes into getting ready for church on Sundays,  you’re probably about to go through hell to get to God. So whether you are already a church-goer or just considering taking your family to a place of worship this Sunday, here's a little head's up so you know what to expect.


Saturday Night: Prep and Plan

You lay out the kid’s clothes the night before. Maybe you even prep breakfast for the next morning or get everything prepared so the roast will be ready after you get back home from the service.

If you don’t have time for any of this then don’t worry about it. It won’t make a difference anyway.


Sunday Morning

You get up early and get yourself ready first. You know that whole thought of, “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting someone else”? Yeah, that. You try to do that but you keep getting interrupted by children drawing on the walls with your mascara and dumping your $24 Bare Minerals powder all over the new carpet. Praise Jesus.

You attempt to feed the kids breakfast but realize your helpful husband already got them dressed. Do you risk having them spill on their only clean pair of clothes? No. You have them eat their breakfast naked like a normal person.

You get the kids dressed -- again. And don’t forget to thank your hubby for the sweet (albeit unhelpful) gesture.

You have fifteen minutes until church starts and attempt to load everyone in the car.

But your oldest forgot her Bible.

Your middle one forgot her “purse” (a Hello Kitty bag stuffed with tissues).

And your youngest just crapped her pants.

Oh, for the love of…

Eventually, you make it to church. You’re thirty minutes late, missed the worship portion of the service, and dropped the kids off kicking and screaming to their prospective classes.

You nurse your cold to-go cup of coffee and sit down to enjoy the sermon. For five minutes. Then the nursery pages you to come get your kid because she bit someone.

Expect to spend the next thirty to forty-five minutes in the foyer chasing a toddler around, before packing up your family to go home, eat the overcooked roast, and salvage what's left of the day. 

And that, my friend, is how you do church.

Glory be to God.