How to take a shower without giving your man any fresh ideas

As if we don’t have enough stress in our lives, some of us would like to take a quick shower without being propositioned by our men. We’re kind, loving people. We don’t want to be in the undressed position to say no. Or more specifically, “God no, what are you crazy? I’m late as it is! Now shut the door! Oh freaking great, now Timmy’s in here. Hi darling, have daddy get you some breakfast. AND SHUT THE DOOR!” 

The good news is that we still got it ladies, the bad news is that we just need to hop in the shower to get the spit up out of our cleavage and then hop out and get to our first meeting. This isn’t The Notebook, it’s 7 AM.

But don’t worry, we have your back. Here are some sure fire tips to make sure your man doesn’t get any bright ideas.


Shower fully clothed

It’s been a scientifically proven fact that men have special radar that goes off when their woman his undressing somewhere in the house. If you’re really pressed for time, just dress fully clothed. It’s uncomfortable at first, but if your man does happen to barge in, he’ll be more confused and startled than turned on. Pick your battles.


Change the locks

If locking the door doesn’t help, call your locksmith and change them. Keep the key next to the dish soap, he’ll never find it.


Hop in and out of the shower like you’re practicing a fire drill

If showering fully clothed or changing the locks feels too much like a last resort, you can always hop in and out of the shower like your house is on fire. This is a tactic many of us already employ, but speed it the key here. You must be diligent. Remember, even if he’s outside cleaning the gutters, his frisky intuition can still lead him right to you. You need to be fast. In, scrub, out, run. God speed.


Loudly announce that you’re going to the bathroom to do some “real damage” after Taco Tuesday.

Sometimes our only chance is trying to disgust them first. This tactic doesn’t always work, but consider it a Hail Mary when times get tough - like when you’re utterly exhausted or late for church.


Our team’s final piece of advice is to let him know how much you love and appreciate his affections then promise a little bow chica bow bow when it isn’t so “outrageously inconvenient, you’re stunned he’s even asking.”

Good luck!