Kim Stevens, wife and mother, checks into mental health facility after family drives her insane.
WACO, TX -
Kim Stevens, 36, a lawyer, wife and mother of 2 children, checked herself into a mental health facility after claiming her family was making her “certifiably insane.”
Stevens began noticing she was under severe mental distress in late 2014 when her right eye began twitching uncontrollably. She said she would hide in the closet mumbling to herself while eating chocolate bars she had hidden from her family so she wouldn’t have to share.
“I finally had to accept something was wrong,” said Stevens. “My family was making me so nuts I was unraveling into a crazy bag lady.”
Stevens said her psychiatric symptoms were an accumulation of many things, but mainly years of her children and husband asking her where things were that were directly in front of their faces.
“After awhile, you just feel like you’re overdosing on crazy pills,” said Stevens. “Honey, where’s the half and half? Oh, in the fridge on the shelf where it ALWAYS is?! What a FREAKING miracle!!” Stevens threw her hands up in the air clearly distressed as she reenacted her husbands bizarre inability to see things right in front of his eyeballs.
Stevens said she desperately wishes she could understand why no one in her family could find anything, especially when what they were looking for was right in front of them in plain sight.
“My kids! Oh, I love my kids, but God help me! My son will ask, ‘Hey Mom, where’s my iPod?’ and I’ll say, ‘Did you check your pocket?’ and he’ll be like, ‘Oh, there it is, thanks.’ Or my daughter will come downstairs in a hot panic because she can’t find her favorite jeans and I’ll say, did you check the drawer where you keep your jeans? And she’ll tell me she did, so I’ll have to stop reading my book, march up the stairs, open her jeans drawer and viola! She couldn’t find her jeans in her JEAN DRAWER. What’s wrong with these people?” Stevens began pressing the nurse call button shouting for a Xanax.
Jim Stevens, Kim’s husband of 12 years sat quietly by her bedside. “Kim is our rock. We’re shocked it’s come to this and we feel awful about it. We want her to get well because we love her, but also because I can’t find my watch.”
“Did you look in the basket on our dresser where I put all of our jewelry?” Kim asked, sedated from her medication.
“Yes, several times.”
“Well, it’s there Jim. I saw it while I was packing for the hospital.”
“I don’t think so, I looked really hard. We’ll just wait until you’re well and maybe you can show me where it is,” said Jim while dodging Kim’s hand as she slowly and groggily tried to slap him.
Jim decided it was best the children stay at home to allow Kim the ability to relax before they visited her at the hospital, however it didn’t stop them from texting her their love and well wishes and asking if they were out of mayonnaise because they can’t seem to find it.
Dr. Deb Worsaw said she anticipated a full recovery for Stevens. “Women are extremely efficient multi-taskers and family members often find there’s no point in having vision if she can be their eyes for them. We hope to help Kim learn how to ignore her family until they can find their own damn blue socks sitting right there in the sock drawer.”
Kim is expected to be released from they psychiatric hospital early next week.
This post is satire.