My Status Updates and What They Really Mean

Dear Facebook,

I love you. No, really. I live thousands of miles away from my family and hometown so I need you in order to keep in touch with everyone -- at least that was my excuse six years ago when we first met. Now, our relationship means much more. It's hard to believe our six year Facebook-iversary is coming up! Six years of posting pictures, sharing others' posts, and leaving witty updates for my friends to read. Totally not a waste of my precious time.

I just looked back at my first ground-breaking post in 2008 -- "is re-tiling the kitchen and bathroom" -- and I can't help but think I've gotten a lot better at communicating with you. Now I try to tell you what's going on and drop in a little something to give you a chuckle as well, but my first post is none of that and, more importantly, is missing any pronouns. Why did I think you would fill in my name at the beginning? All of my posts started with "is." Stupid 2008 me! ::hangs head in shame::

As with any relationship, I can see how you and I have gotten closer over the past few years. I mean, I just KNOW you better than I did back then, you know? I've stuck with you through some of the difficult changes (remember the THREE new layouts in just the past two years??) and now I feel our relationship is stronger than it's ever been.

For instance, I now can gaze back on my life and remember important details like my daughters' milestones, family vacations, and personal life experiences. It's a beautiful thing and I owe it all to you, Facebook. I mean, without you, how would I ever be able to record memories and my deepest thoughts? It would be impossible.

You know me so well. You see what I write on my wall and know what I'm actually trying to say. I mean, for me, sometimes I write the things I want others to know, but leave out my own true feelings.

But you always know the truth behind my words.

So, in honor of our Facebook-iversary, I have created a word-slideshow, if you will, to walk us down memory lane and take a gander at some of my past posts and what I was actually saying.


Status: "Ellie took her first steps! Yay!"

Translation: "Hide the knives! Bolt everything to the wall! She's a lot taller than she used to be!"

Status: "I haven't done laundry yet because I forgot to make detergent. Ugh."

Translation: "Someone please acknowledge how awesome I am for making my own detergent."

Status: "Ellie just got her first tooth!"

Translation: "I had to get three stitches in my arm but we're all still very excited."

Status: "Halloween is just  a few weeks away! The girls are dressing up as Anna and Elsa from Frozen!"

Translation: "I'm about to hear Let It Go on a loop for the next three weeks. Someone bring me wine. Stat."

Status: "My hubby has to go out of town AGAIN this weekend. Boo. "

Translation: "Grilled cheese and The Good Wife marathon it is! But I'll still miss him, of course."

Status: "Surprise! Baby #3 is coming soon!"

Translation: "AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Status: "Taking the family to the fair today! So excited!"

Translation: "I'm about to stand in the burning sun while I breastfeed a baby, change diapers, and try to keep everyone happy until we drop dead from exhaustion. Fan-freakin-tastic."


So, Facebook, thank you for six great years. Thank you for always being available to hear me out, and for knowing EXACTLY what I mean every time.

Oh, and if you start charging me a monthly rate of $2.99, I'll kick you to the freakin' curb.

Forever Yours (as long as it's free),