Is it hot in here or is it just your saucy boudoir photos you plan on giving your lover for Valentine's Day?
Men don't want tickets to the NBA Playoffs (that's not true, they do) ... they just want to see their ladies wearing corsetts three sizes too small, sprawled out, just a touch awkwardly, on a vintage couch.
That's where you come in. Boudoir photo shoots are the latest "sexy" gift women are treating their partners with these days.
If you're one of these ladies wanting to give it a try and feeling nervous about your session, don't be! The HooHas team is here to give you our Dos and Don'ts for an extra saucy session.
DON'T Bring your Period Panties
Yes, I know - the elastic is worn out so you don't get that annoying muffin top from the loose skin your children gifted you upon their birth. BUT, this shoot isn't about you, remember? It's about your lover - and they would like to see you in something lacy. That doesn't look like it was found at a crime scene.
DO Practice your Bedroom Eyes in the Mirror
Of course you can be sexy, but do you really know what your bedroom eyes actually look like? You may be surprised to learn you look a lot like Willie Nelson high on some really good reefer. Just a little practice in front of the mirror may be all you need for eyes that say "come hither" instead of "let's eat some nachos and take a really good nap."
DON'T Try a Pinterest Hair Tutorial for the First Time
Up all night looking for the perfect hair style on Pinterest you want to try the day of the shoot? Would you also like an angel to flutter down from clouds to give your skin a heavenly glow? Get serious. Pinterest hair tutorials are a bunch lies wrapped in the most perfect messy bun I've ever seen. Remember Jen's Pinterest hair tutorial disaster? Practice your hair-do in advance and be sure to thank the HooHas later.
DO Remember to Shave Your Pits
This may seem obvious, but today's modern woman is distracted. Real distracted. As you're in the shower you will be interrupted by your children no less than 10 times. As you become flustered, you'll start swiping away at your legs with a razor like you're swatting away flies at a weenie roast. Then your cell phone is blasting off a million times and one of the notifications will sound like Facebook. You'll start wondering if it's a response to a really great parenting article you posted and you want to know what people are saying. Quickly you dry your soapy hand to start scrolling through your notifications, only to find that you forgot to unfollow your friend's edgy status update on gun control and you just read a new comment that has you really fired up. Then you drop your phone right as your children start piling in to the bathroom again like the freaking Three Stooges, wondering when you're going to be done already. Before you know it, you'll exit the shower with one pit half shaven and the other looking like the top of Richard Simmons head.
All that to say, don't forget to shave your pits.
DON'T Make it a Family Affair
A good sitter is hard to come by these days and many moms find themselves having to cart their kids everywhere, from the grocery store to having them sit outside the spray tan machine while they shout repeatedly, "sit there and DO NOT come in! It's SPRAYING! DON'T YOU DARE DO IT, JIMMY!" But your boudoir photography session just isn't the right errand to run with the little ones. Sure, they may be too young to know what's going on, but nothing sucks the sensuality out of a room quicker than a toddler. It will be plenty awkward on it's own, so try and go alone.
Well, there you have it. The HooHas list of Dos and Dont's for an extra saucy boudoir photo session. With our tips and flashing some duck lips, you'll have some super sexy pictures your partner will love.
The next question is what to do with these steamy photos once given to your lover. We have no idea. You're on your own for that one.
Anna Lind Thomas is the Co-Founder/Head Writer & Designer at HaHas for HooHas.
Learn more about Anna in the About Us.