We’re told to trust our gut. It’s called women’s intuition, and I stand by it whole heartedly. It serves us well both as women and as moms. But unfortunately, in this day and age of technology, our gut often leads us to Google and that’s when all emotional hell breaks loose.
You get a nosebleed.
Gut says your house is dry and you should try running the humidifier.
Google says you have high blood pressure most assuredly stemming from liver disease.
Your baby is tugging at his ears.
Gut says he has an ear infection.
Google says he’s had a hearing problem since birth and probably needs cochlear implants.
You notice a red rash on your forearm.
Gut says you might’ve rubbed against some poison ivy in your garden yesterday.
Google says if it’s coupled with painful joints and fatigue, it’s most likely Lupus.
Suddenly, you’re exhausted and pretty sure everything hurts.
Your child is tired and cranky.
Gut says she needs to start going to bed earlier.
Google says anemia, which can be easily treated with iron supplements…unless of course it’s sickle cell anemia. Click here to burst into tears.
You’re up all night unable to sleep and making frequent trips to the bathroom.
Gut says you should’ve skipped that cup of coffee with dinner.
Google says you have insomnia, which is nothing compared to your blocked urethra.
Your child’s stomach hurts.
Gut says he might be constipated.
Google says his appendix is seconds away from bursting, sending toxic infection coursing through his blood stream.
You’re panting and out of breath.
Gut says it’s those 9 flights of stairs you just climbed because your office elevator is out of order.
Google says your arteries are hardening, causing them to narrow and decrease blood flow to your heart. Atherosclerosis, yo. Shoulda skipped that bacon this morning.
Your baby spits up after a feeding.
Gut says she might be overeating.
Google says she could have Infant Acid reflux which should be diagnosed with an ultrasound, lab work, upper GI series and endoscopy. What are you waiting for? GO.
Your eye is red and watering.
Gut says pink eye.
Google says blood clots. Orrrrr, you’ve contracted a lake water parasite. Either way, screwed.
Your baby has a diaper rash.
Gut says to use some diaper rash cream and change his diaper more frequently.
Google says bacterial infection, or worse, fungal yeast. God help you.
You’re really thirsty and sleepy.
Gut says that pizza you just ate was salty and you probably should’ve stopped at 4 slices.
Google says you’re one candy bar away from full blown diabetes and refers you to related articles on how to hygienically care for your insulin pump catheter.
Your baby has a low grade fever.
Gut says she’s teething.
Google says meningitis. Obviously.
You wake up stiff and sore.
Gut says you killed it in the gym last night.
Google says fibromyalgia. No cure. Good luck.
Your child has a swollen itchy bug bite.
Gut says he got bit by a mosquito at the bonfire.
Google says to stab an EpiPen deep into his outer thigh ASAP.
You’re nauseous and have a low grade fever.
Gut says you have the flu.
Google says it could be Hepatitis A, B, and/or C. Side note; symptoms don’t appear right away so you’re now somewhere between 2-4 weeks behind the eight ball here. Better hurry.
You’re cramping and bloated.
Gut says you’re about to start your period.
Google says you have irritable bowel syndrome and you’re roughly a week away from rapid unexplained weight loss and rectal bleeding.
(This will be accompanied by a pop up ad for choosing the right funeral home.)
Something is going on with you or your child.
Gut says call the doctor.
Gut would be correct.
Gut says to Google the symptoms.
Gut would be wrong. Or as Google would say, dead wrong.