SEATTLE, WA -
In an attempt to lose 14 pounds before a friend’s wedding next month, Jamie Melton of Seattle opted for a low-carb diet plan. However, after only three days of exclusively eating sirloin and broccoli, she fell off the wagon.
“Wednesday was a horrible day,” Melton said. “My husband was out of town, the van had a flat tire, my oldest daughter got caught making out with some hood under the bleachers at school, the baby found a Sharpie and the dog ate an entire can of baked beans. I also couldn’t find anything to watch on Netflix except Cheers reruns.”
Instead of eating a hard-boiled egg and handful of blue cheese, Melton said screw it and devoured a Honeybun with two glasses of red Kool-Aid flavored with sugar, not Splenda.
She now says she has rethought her decision to low-carb for an entire month, and instead will skip the wedding.
“I never really liked the bride anyway,” Melton was reported to have mumbled from a McDonald’s drive-thru.