SEATTLE, WA -

In an attempt to lose 14 pounds before a friend’s wedding next month, Jamie Melton of Seattle opted for a low-carb diet plan. However, after only three days of exclusively eating sirloin and broccoli, she fell off the wagon.

“Wednesday was a horrible day,” Melton said. “My husband was out of town, the van had a flat tire, my oldest daughter got caught making out with some hood under the bleachers at school, the baby found a Sharpie and the dog ate an entire can of baked beans. I also couldn’t find anything to watch on Netflix except Cheers reruns.”

Instead of eating a hard-boiled egg and handful of blue cheese, Melton said screw it and devoured a Honeybun with two glasses of red Kool-Aid flavored with sugar, not Splenda.

She now says she has rethought her decision to low-carb for an entire month, and instead will skip the wedding.

“I never really liked the bride anyway,” Melton was reported to have mumbled from a McDonald’s drive-thru.  

Susannah B. Lewis is a freelance writer, blogger, aspiring best-selling author, wife of one and stay-at-home mother of two. She was chosen for the Top 13 in Blogger Idol 2013 and she contributes pieces to The Huffington Post. Her work has also been featured in several humorous e-books. When she’s not putting pen to paper, bandaging boo-boos or spraying “Shout” on unidentifiable stains, she enjoys reading, playing the piano and teaching her children all about Southern charm. Read her humor blog, Whoa! Susannah and follow her on Facebook  and Twitter.

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