Mix an egg yolk with some honey, they said.
Use it as a face mask, they said.
It will smooth your wrinkles, shrink your pores, get rid of fine lines, and make you look like Cate Blanchett, they said. Jonny Depp will float down from the sky, murmur sweet nothings, and caress your face, they said.
Okay, they didn't say that. Whatever. Let's not split hairs.
So I mixed it up with all the fervor of Dr. Moreau. (He mixed things, right?)
Then I sank into my gingerbread infused bath as it sat on my face. The concoction, I mean, not Dr. Moreau. That'd be weird! And awkward.
After about five seconds, before I could even crack open my romantic suspense novel, my face began to tingle.
Then it burst into flames. Flames of acid, mixed with pepper flakes and sprinkled with Sriracha sauce.
I washed off my yellow slime and calmly wondered if my free ranging, organic, backyard chicken egg was to blame. Maybe this only worked with pale, grain-fed, anemic eggs?
In spite of being gone, my face still burned. In fact, it was getting worse. It was a slow, slow burn. And by slow, I mean wicked fast. I stole a peek at myself in the mirror. I was not rocking the cranberry color.
Let this be a lesson to us all. There are evil Pinterest minions in the world who twirl their mustaches and come up with ridiculous ideas, pin them, then sit back and wait for dummies to try them.
I am that dummy.
I am so reporting this problem to the Pinterest board...
...just as soon as I try this DIY plastic surgery pin.