Daniel Tiger’s Dad Arrested for Not Wearing Pants

Image via Wikia

 

NEIGHBORHOOD OF MAKE BELIEVE - JUNGLE BEACH

Daniel Tiger, the beloved Tiger owned by the late Fred Rogers, has been arrested at a local bar in Jacksonville Florida for not wearing pants. Tiger Sr. is married to Mom Tiger and the couple has two children, 4 year old Daniel Tiger Jr., the star of the family’s popular reality TV show ‘Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood,” and 1 year old Margaret Tiger. Tiger Sr. resides with his family in Jungle Beach, Florida. It’s very rare when any of the Jungle Beach residents go outside of the confines of their small town. Some outside residents believe it is a cult compound.

At a press conference earlier this morning, Jacksonville Police Chief Stan Jones said, “Early this morning at approximately 12:15 AM, we arrested Daniel Tiger Sr. at a local bar. We received several complaints from customers and staff that an incredibly polite, yet belligerent Tiger Sr. was in the establishment without pants, exposing himself to the patrons. When asked to cover his privates with a pair of suitable pants or at least cut off jean shorts like other Jacksonville residents, he said he didn’t own any. We apprehended Mr. Tiger who was released from county morning.”

Jeanette Moore, 42, was at the bar at the time of Tiger’s arrest. “I don’t know what kind of crazy land Jungle Beach is, but here in Jacksonville Florida we wear pants. I don't care what stories you've read on the Internet,” she said. “It’s not hard people! Celebrity or not, cover up your dinga lings!”

Owner Carl Mullen said he didn't want to get Tiger in any trouble, but letting his junk hang out all over his bar stools was simply unacceptable. "First the Duggars, now this? You can't believe what you see on TV folks."

We were able to sit down with the Tiger family at their home in the Land of Make Believe. “I should have never left Jungle Beach,” said Tiger Sr. “I guess the pressure of our reality show was getting to me, hugga mugga. We’re expected to be this perfect family, hugga mugga. But we go through difficult times just like everyone else, hugga mugga,” Tiger Sr. stopped to take a drink of water. “Sorry, the hugga muggas are a nervous tick. Anyway, Mom Tiger had disregarded my feelings, earlier that morning, hugga mugga and she just kept singing, ‘Saying your sorry is the first step, then how can I help?’ over and over and over until I thought I was going to lose my mind. The producers wanted candid shots of me singing it with her and I just thought, this is insanity! I hopped in Trolley and told him to take me to the exit gates of Jungle Beach, I’m getting the hell out of this loony bin. Hugga Mugga.”

Tiger Sr. said he just wanted to get out of town for the little while, away from all the repetitive singing and cameras to unwind and have a drink. He had no idea exposing himself would be a big deal. “In Jungle Beach, no one cares I’m not wearing pants. It didn’t even cross my mind,” he said. “Obviously I was wrong.”

Residents of Jungle Beach were shocked at the news. “I can’t believe it, meow meow. But I guess I’m not completely surprised. I’ve always been a little uncomfortable Sr. and Jr. didn’t wear pants, but it’s the way it’s always been so I tried not to make a big deal about it, meow meow. Sr. has always been very kind, but he did have a look in his eye like he was going to explode any minute. Being that nice all the time does take it’s toll on a tiger, meow meow.”

Mom Tiger remains supportive of her husband. “Sure, I was upset when I heard Sr. was arrested, but as I always sing, ‘When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four!’ I’ve been taking deep breaths in a paper sack all day,” she said smiling with dead eyes. “What’s most important for our family is that Daniel understands daddy made a mistake and that’s okay.” Then suddenly instruments started playing from somewhere mysterious in the home. “We’ve sang to him, ‘You get arrested when you don’t wear pants! You get arrested when you don’t wear pants!” over and over. We think he gets it."

The repetitive jingles must have worked. We asked Daniel Tiger Jr. how he was feeling about his father’s arrest and he loudly belted, “You get arrested when you don’t wear pants! You get arrested when you don’t wear pants! Hugga mugga!”

This isn’t the first time there has been controversy around Tiger Sr. In the fall of 2013 it was rumored he was having an affair with fellow Jungle Beach resident, Lady Elaine. Tiger Sr. adamantly denied it. “No, never. She has the nose of an elderly alcoholic and her voice sounds like someone trying to talk with a mouth full marbles. I’m not sure how that rumor started but it is 100% untrue,” he told TMC reporters on his way to work.

We asked for a statement from the getaway Trolley. His response was “Ding Ding!” then he zoomed away to Owl’s house. He has no further comment at this time.