Crap We Don't Need But Maybe You Do: ComfyBreasts

For years, I've struggled with a major purchase decision: Which body pillow do I buy?

I've spent tireless hours in the pillow aisle at Target debating the different features available to me. Do I go with the body pillow that wraps around me, or I wrap around it? What message do I want my bedroom to send, Welcome to the Den of Magical Passion or Can You Find All My Cats? But there has been a bigger feature not available to me that I've pined for since I went from the president to the secretary of the itty-bitty titty committee (thank you, childbirth). 

Where can I comfortably rest my boobs?

Where can I comfortably rest my boobs? via @HaHasforHooHas

Now I am a belly sleeper. Face down. Every time. There have even been moments of concern when I fall asleep among a group of awake people that, perhaps, I am unconscious in a non-REM cycle way. And my boobs? They're always the unfortunate recipients of discomfort. If only there were a way for them to have a nice, roomy compartment in my body pillow to rest easily, without pressure or distress... attention because I'm about to blow your mind. I present to you...ComfyBreasts™. 

This revolutionary new product just made all the places I fall asleep as appealing as falling asleep in a nice, roomy compartment on the chest of Ryan Gosling. Don't believe me? Look at all the places you can fall asleep face down in comfort!!

Crap We Don't Need But Maybe You Do: ComfyBreasts via @HaHasforHooHas

The uses truly are unlimited. But wait. There's more. There's a...kickstarter. You too can fund the production of this life-changing product and fall asleep at the park next to a guy enjoying a pleasant picnic moment of peace and serenity. 

Okay so maybe the title of this bad boy was a smidge misleading. It looks like this is something I do need after all.