Me: What is this?
Me: What the hell is this?!
Husband: Um, a dishwasher?
Me: Why is there pasta spilled all over the bottom rack and a bowl on the top rack with pasta stuck on it?
Husband: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Me: Well, there's only two of us! I didn't eat pasta and I didn't touch the dishwasher and since I have EYES, I definitely didn't dump a full pasta bowl into it. That leaves only one other possible person. *Sicilian glare of death*
Husband: Geez, I don't know. Maybe I did do it. I was late for work, but I didn't realize there was still food in the bowl.
Me: I just don't get it. I don't get it! Were you wearing a blindfold?! WHO DOES THIS?!
Husband: Calm down, ok. I'm sorry. I'll take care of it.
Me: *quivery lip*
Husband: Oh, no. What's wrong?
Me: *bursts into tears* How could you do this? All I need right now is a nice, clean, peaceful home! I've asked you repeatedly to wash food out of the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher and instead you dump an entire bowl of pasta into it?! It's like you don't even care! *boo hoo, hoooo, boo hooo*
Husband: Honey, you've had a big day and must be exhausted. Why don't you lay down, the pregnancy ...
Me: Don't you dare blame this on my pregnancy hormones! You dumped an entire bowl of pasta in to the dishwasher! Like a mad man! *blows nose into a used paper towel*
Husband: I was in a hurry and I honestly didn't realize food was in it. Come here, *opens arms for a hug* I'm sorry.
Me: I guess I'm being a little emotional.
Husband: A bit of an understatement.
Me: But it matters to me that you listen and care about these things, you know?
Husband: Sure. I admit that was kind of ridiculous. I can't believe there was so much pasta left in the bowl.
Me: I need to understand your thought process so I can get over this. Where were your eyeballs when this was happening? Were your lids closed? I mean, how? *tear drops*
Husband: *wipes the tear from my eye* Considering you put cereal in the fridge, milk in the cupboard and my keys in your underwear drawer, I feel like you would be more understanding.
Me: I'm growing your baby inside of me and it's stealing all my nutrients and blood supply. What's your excuse again?
Husband: I was growing a food baby?
Me: Ok, that's enough. I'm gonna go take a nap.