Hi everyone. Anna here. I need to talk about these incredibly bad dad photos that are floating around the Internet. Walk with me while we discuss each one, won't you?
Boob Doctor & Sons
We get it. You're a boob job peddler. Do we have to celebrate it? With silicone bags? All over your infant son?
And what are those two pillars in the background? Is that someone's attempt at a prop? What is this, a Wal-Mart photography studio?
As you can see, I have questions.
Hawaii Badass Daddy
I love the tropical badass theme of this photo. The one person who doesn't seem to loving it is his son.
In case you didn't figure this out on your own, you don't need a shirt when you're fighting crime in the tropics. It will only get in the way of your sick rifle moves and cover up your sweet tribal tattoo.
Somebody get this man a pina colada and a switch blade, stat. Somebody has a helicopter to catch.
A Father's Arms! Holding a Chainsaw!
Nothing says love between a daddy and daughter like a chainsaw draped between them. See also, the American Flag background.
Do you think the little girl was directed to put her hand on the chainsaw by a photographer with a "good eye" for the perfect photo, or did she do that all by our little self?
I guess we'll never know.
Let's Hope Those Tatts Were at a Discount
I think it's safe to say that these portrait tattoos were probably not the incredible work of Kat VonD.
With that said, am I the only one drawn to the youngest daughter's look on her face? I feel like she's saying to the camera, "Yeah, that's my face on my daddy's back, suckas! What you gotta say now?!"
We're speechless, so pretty much nothing, little one.
Like Father, Like Son
I think it's absolutely adorable that daddy and son make the exact same face when they're terrified. The baby has his finger up as if to say, "Um, mom? Yet again, you've allowed daddy to put me in a precarious position. Now put the camera down and do something!"
Meanwhile, the camel appears to be saying, "What is this flavor, plain Cheerios? Probably the most boring cereal that's ever existed, but it'll do I guess."
Don't Worry About Me, Daddy!
My love for kids biting it hard has been well documented. So it should come as no surprise that I guffaw laughed at this lovely picture of daddy and daughter and daughter face planting.
Good lookin' out pops. Good lookin' out.
Does Someone Need to Call CPS?
Where do I begin? The awkward way they're positioned? The fact she's wearing a swimsuit? Or the photo background that looks exactly like a t-shirt I saw being sold at a gas station in rural Wyoming?
Is the lady of the tigers crying? Is it because of dad's cut off sleeves?
Will my questions ever be answered?!
Sometimes it Feels Like Somebody's Watching Me
God? Is that you? Oh, it's just dad with a comb over.
Just remember, kids - Daddy's always watching. With his mustache.