40 Thoughts That Go Through a Working Mother’s Mind As Her Childless Co-Workers Discuss Their Weekend

1. Weekends. I remember those.

2. I’ve never even heard of the movie the hot guy from Systems is going to see.

3. I still haven’t seen the picture that won the Oscar.

4. What was it called?

5. The one with whatshisname. Who’s married to that actress who was in that other thing.

6. I’m not totally out of the loop, am I? I mean, I know there’s a SpongeBob movie out. That’s something, right?

7. If Jemma and the other twenty-somethings from marketing don’t stop saying how they might be too tired to go dancing tonight, I’m going to scream.

8. I miss brunch.

9. Though I guess we could try it.

10. Maybe that place that’s kid-friendly. Where the bartender, bless his heart, pours the Bloody Marys with a heavy hand.

11. Wait, last time we went there, DD had a meltdown when her fries came in an unexpected, apparently unacceptable, shape. Safer to stay home.

12. Alert! Claire from HR just said mani-pedi. Okay, maintain eye contact while you shift your weight to hide your right foot behind your left leg.

13. Shouldn’t have worn sandals for casual Friday.

14. I wish these skorts had pockets.

15. Sleeping in. I remember that.

16. Dimly.

17. I’ll be lucky if I get to take a shower this weekend.

18. Hmmm. If I do get to shower, maybe I’ll shave one quadrant of my legs. The situation is getting desperate.

19. Maybe I’ll do it tonight, if DD falls asleep early enough so that I don’t fall asleep with her.

20. Who am I kidding? If I’m still awake I’m going to eat ice cream.

21. The good kind.

22. That DD doesn’t know about.

23. Mindy from Accounting is going shoe shopping tomorrow.

24. Shopping in an actual store.

25. By herself.

26. For herself.

27. The last three pairs of shoes I bought lit up and had Dora on them.

28. Mindy says she’s going to get another pair of the shoes she’s already wearing but in a different color.

29. I remember color.

30. Jemma’s still talking about how tired she is.

31. I hate Jemma.

32. Kim from Logistics is taking her husband to some new play that won the Tony for his birthday.

33. Tscha! As if we’ll ever have money to do that. Sure, after we save for DD's college tuition.

34. Shit! Birthday! I forgot. DD has a birthday party tomorrow.

35. And I forgot to get a gift!

36. Damn it. Is it the boy Jordan or the girl Jordan?

37. Does that matter anymore?

38. Does gender neutral basically mean: not pink?

39. I’ll have to go pick something up in the morning.

40. So much for shaving my left thigh.