10 Things Sure To Happen On Family Portrait Day

via Awkward Family Photos

 

Is it too much to ask? Really? We all want the same thing here. A nice photo of all of our family members, grouped into one shot, with everyone looking good, and smiling nicely.
 
So then why in the hell does this seem like the impossible dream? Because it never fails. No matter how far in advance you plan the photo session, this is the crap you can count on.
 
Facial Blemishes
Zits, redness, swelling, mysterious bruises…take my word, this is the morning that somebody will wake up looking like they’ve been beaten in the middle of the night.
 
Stains
Somebody will inevitably think it’s a good idea to eat a jelly donut on the way, or fall down in the grass and mud after they get there, but clothing will be stained. Count on it.​
 
Blood
Speaking of stains, somebody’s nose is gonna start spouting blood, completely unprovoked. Why? Cuz it’s picture day, yo.
 
Poop
Are there babies in your family? They’re gonna crap through their outfit. Twice. Guaranteed.
 
Chaos
Want your dogs in the picture? No you don’t. Trust me.
 
Vomit
Blame it on the poop, or the blood, or the dog’s unexpected gas problem, but somebody’s gag reflex ain’t gonna make it.
 
Bad Hair
It won’t look how you want it to that day, so just accept it, because even on the rare occurrence that it does, it won’t last because…
 
Weather
Wind, rain, snow, sleet, maybe a tornado…whatever it is, it’ll blow in outta nowhere, just as you reach the furthest distance between you and your car.
 
Fighting
Kids. Adults. The dogs. Tensions are running high and no one is immune. There will be fighting, and it will lead to crying. Rest assured.
 
Photo Bombers
Hey strangers, see this large group of smelly, gagging, pockmarked, windblown, blood-spattered, people, dressed in somewhat matching outfits, yelling at each other in front of a tripod over here? Of course you do.
 
So, maybe DON’T stop and let your dog take a dump right behind us.
We’ve seen enough sh** for one day, thanks.