via Awkward Family Photos
Is it too much to ask? Really? We all want the same thing here. A nice photo of all of our family members, grouped into one shot, with everyone looking good, and smiling nicely.
So then why in the hell does this seem like the impossible dream? Because it never fails. No matter how far in advance you plan the photo session, this is the crap you can count on.
Zits, redness, swelling, mysterious bruises…take my word, this is the morning that somebody will wake up looking like they’ve been beaten in the middle of the night.
Somebody will inevitably think it’s a good idea to eat a jelly donut on the way, or fall down in the grass and mud after they get there, but clothing will be stained. Count on it.
Speaking of stains, somebody’s nose is gonna start spouting blood, completely unprovoked. Why? Cuz it’s picture day, yo.
Are there babies in your family? They’re gonna crap through their outfit. Twice. Guaranteed.
Want your dogs in the picture? No you don’t. Trust me.
Blame it on the poop, or the blood, or the dog’s unexpected gas problem, but somebody’s gag reflex ain’t gonna make it.
It won’t look how you want it to that day, so just accept it, because even on the rare occurrence that it does, it won’t last because…
Wind, rain, snow, sleet, maybe a tornado…whatever it is, it’ll blow in outta nowhere, just as you reach the furthest distance between you and your car.
Kids. Adults. The dogs. Tensions are running high and no one is immune. There will be fighting, and it will lead to crying. Rest assured.
Hey strangers, see this large group of smelly, gagging, pockmarked, windblown, blood-spattered, people, dressed in somewhat matching outfits, yelling at each other in front of a tripod over here? Of course you do.
So, maybe DON’T stop and let your dog take a dump right behind us.
We’ve seen enough sh** for one day, thanks.