10 Things I Say That Makes My Husband Have to Immediately Use The Bathroom

There are great mysteries in this life, mysteries that continue to captivate us, frighten us and hold us in awe. The complexity and genius of the human eye! How did our endless galaxy come to be? Is there an after-life? Why does my husband have to use the bathroom at the most inconvenient times - are my words verbal laxatives?

Perhaps these things will always remain a mystery. Until then, here are 10 things I say that makes my husband have to immediately use the bathroom:

 

1)  “Hey can you a hold the baby for a second? Oh, you have to crap? Cool. See you in 45 minutes.”

2)  “Hey, can you see who’s at the door? I don’t have a bra on. Oh, you have to crap? Cool. See you in 45 minutes.”

3)  “Hey, can you call our accountant back? He said it’s important. Oh, you have to crap? Cool. See you in 45 minutes.”

4)  “Hey, can you empty out the dishwasher for me while I get dinner on the table? Oh, you have to crap? Cool. See you in 45 minutes.”

5)  “Hey, are you ready to go? We need to be there in 15 minutes. Oh, you have to crap? Cool. See you in 45 minutes.”

6)  “Hey, can you get your laundry out of the dryer? I need to dry my sweats and get out of these godforsaken jeans. Oh you have to crap? Cool. See you in 45 minutes.”

7)  “Hey, can you change the baby’s diaper? I have to get to an important email. Oh, you have to crap? Cool. See you in 45 minutes."

8)  “Hey, can you get the roasted veggies out of then oven? The timer is going off and I have to go to the bathroom. Oh, you have to crap too? Cool. See you in 45 minutes."

9)  “I am so thirsty and the baby is about to fall asleep, can you get me an iced water? Oh you have to crap? Cool. See you in 45 minutes."

10)  “I’m done with all my writing! Let’s watch our recorded Game of Thrones! Oh, you have to crap? Cool. See you in 45 minutes."

 

Although there seems to be one major exception ….

 

“Hey, the baby’s asleep, wanna go to the bedroom for some sexy time? Oh, you’re ready? Like right now? Like you’re ready to go this second? Cool. Well, I have to go to the bathroom. See you in 45 minutes.”

 

Disclaimer: Rob would like to make an announcement. Upon reading this post, he would like HooHas fans to know he isn’t pleased with the tone and would like to reiterate that we are a parenting team and he always helps when asked and that he can't be held responsible for when nature calls.

When asked why it takes him 45 minutes, he replied, “Only God knows, my love. Only God knows.”

And so, it remains a great mystery.