10 Most Common Thoughts Women Have in the First Trimester

If you're pregnant or have been pregnant, then you remember the first trimester quite well. Or, you may have blocked the trauma out of your memory, sort of like how we forget how much childbirth sucked, otherwise we'd never have more than one child.

Someone somewhere conducted a highly scientific study that revealed this list as the 10 most common thoughts women think in their first trimester.


1) Am I awake? I’m so effing tired. No, I’m dreaming. Wait, no I’m awake. Right? Oh my God, I’m at work.

2) If my boobs are this big now, THIS ISN’T GOING TO END WELL FOR ANY OF US.

3) I can’t believe I’m showing this much already, I look five months pregnant! Or I have gas. Or I have to poop. Google: Can having to poop make you look 5 months pregnant?

4) I’m not ready to announce my pregnancy, but everyone at the party will know when I refuse wine for the first time in my adult life.

5) When is it too early to break out my maternity pants? Never, I’m digging them out of storage now.

6) I’m so sick, this can’t be pregnancy symptoms. I have the flu. No, it’s worse than the flu. I have some life threatening disease. This is it. The end. Death. Here, let me Google what death feels like. Wait, let me puke first.

7) I’m not puking anymore. Something’s wrong. Let me Google if I’m doomed!

8) ::As other kids in the home start fighting and crying and yelling:: What have I done?

9) No one is allowed 3 feet from my sore boobs. No one’s even allowed to look at my boobs!

10) Is anyone else in the mood for a hamburger and fries?


Alright, what is the list missing? Hit me!