Law One: If you cooked it, you get first dibs.
Law Two: Pitch the veggies. Stop the charade.
Law Three: If you allow your guests to take home the leftover mashed potatoes, made this one time a year with 4 sticks of butter and whole milk, I question your judgment on all matters.
Law Four: It’s automatically assumed that the whipped cream will be finished off by tipping back your head and sucking directly from the canister. Don’t disappoint.
Law Five: If you don't eat the turkey between 2 slices of thick white Wonder bread lathered in Miracle Whip and generously salted and peppered, reevaluate your life.
Law Six: Pie must be eaten directly from the pan with a plastic fork.
Law Seven: Calories eaten in the dead of night while your family sleeps don't count.
Law Eight: As long as you’ve eaten everything by the end of the weekend, your weight has remained unchanged. Your weight has remained unchanged. Your weight has remained unchanged.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Law Nine: Nevertheless, don’t weigh yourself for at least 1 week after they’re gone, because water weight’s a bitch, yo.
Law Ten: After 3 days, pre-portion and freeze those bad boys.
Come on now, ladies…even yoga pants have their limits.