My husband told me I could do anything I wanted for Mother's Day. I could have done anything, ANYTHING I tell you! I chose to do something, alone, that I've been dreaming about for months:
I snuck off to Macy's without any kids (say whaaaaaaa?!) to get my girls a proper holster and imagined galavanting around the store with hundreds of bras slung over my shoulder, giddy with excitement at the post nursing possibilites. Lace? Push-ups? Convertible bras? The bra world was my oyster. This was the first time since 2008 that I wasn't pregnant or nursing. BIG DEAL, PEOPLE. Huge.
Except my dreams became deflated. Literally. No, seriously.
I anxiously waited to get measured by the cute saleslady or "boob handler" as Mandy from Harper Happenings called her. As she was a fury of tape and counting, I imagined her to say C, like I was pre-children.
Then came the moment of doom.
You're a 34...A.
You mean, C.
No, I mean deflated balloons filled with pudding, A. (She didn't say that.)
I mean, I knew they had lost their perk after nursing two children, but this made me want to hunch over and walk away slowly while playing the
Charlie Brown sad song.
After the hard work of giving birth, you get a baby.
After the hard work of nursing, you get deflated boobs?
I needed to give the girls a pep talk, it had been a hard day for them too. It's like saying, "You're TOTALLY a Hybrid Camry, I mean, just look at ya!" And then coming back and breaking the news that you're actually a Teal 1992 Grand Am. It can be devastating.
While trying on my pre-teen bras meant for pre-pubescent girls, I was grumbling and then it dawned on me.
My breasts are deflated because I nourished my 2 children with them. They made life giving milk, which gave me a totally awesome super power.
The thought that made my deflated boobs do a weak perky smile was, "I would much rather have sad looking boobs that fed my babes than perky ones that did not."
It was a break through. A booby break through.
I put my hands on my hips, gave myself a wink and point, checked out my new bra and with a single tear and whispered,"You're home now girls, everything is going to be alright."
Then I swooped my hand above my head and made a rainbow.
Jen Hembree Co-Founded HaHas for HooHas. Learn more about Jen in the About Us.