Post-Nursing Bra Shopping: Double The Torture

 

 

My husband told me I could do anything I wanted for Mother's Day. I could have done anything, ANYTHING I tell you! I chose to do something, alone, that I've been dreaming about for months:

Bra. Shopping.

I snuck off to Macy's without any kids (say whaaaaaaa?!) to get my girls a proper holster and imagined galavanting around the store with hundreds of bras slung over my shoulder, giddy with excitement at the post nursing possibilites. Lace? Push-ups? Convertible bras? The bra world was my oyster. This was the first time since 2008 that I wasn't pregnant or nursing. BIG DEAL, PEOPLE. Huge.

Except my dreams became deflated. Literally. No, seriously.

I anxiously waited to get measured by the cute saleslady or "boob handler" as Mandy from Harper Happenings called her. As she was a fury of tape and counting, I imagined her to say C, like I was pre-children.

Then came the moment of doom.

You're a 34...A.

You mean, C.

No, I mean deflated balloons filled with pudding, A. (She didn't say that.)

I mean, I knew they had lost their perk after nursing two children, but this made me want to hunch over and walk away slowly while playing the

Charlie Brown sad song.

 

Via: Crappypictures.com

After the hard work of giving birth, you get a baby.

After the hard work of nursing, you get deflated boobs?

I needed to give the girls a pep talk, it had been a hard day for them too. It's like saying, "You're TOTALLY a Hybrid Camry, I mean, just look at ya!" And then coming back and breaking the news that you're actually a Teal 1992 Grand Am. It can be devastating.

While trying on my pre-teen bras meant for pre-pubescent girls, I was grumbling and then it dawned on me.

My breasts are deflated because I nourished my 2 children with them. They made life giving milk, which gave me a totally awesome super power.

The thought that made my deflated boobs do a weak perky smile was, "I would much rather have sad looking boobs that fed my babes than perky ones that did not."

It was a break through. A booby break through.

I put my hands on my hips, gave myself a wink and point, checked out my new bra and with a single tear and whispered,"You're home now girls, everything is going to be alright."

Then I swooped my hand above my head and made a rainbow.

 

 

Jen Hembree Co-Founded HaHas for HooHas. Learn more about Jen in the About Us.